What you need to know:
- If you truly feel connected to her and she feels the same about you then nothing should stop you
- The fact that you have grown to love the children should also be a reason for you to stay
Hello, I am at a crossroads of love. I met this girl in college about a year ago and we bonded well. Later on, when we were deeply in love, I came to learn that she is older than me by about six years and she has two kids. I have met the children and I have come to love them. The problem is my family, who are against our affair. I don't know what to do as I feel like I will be losing it all by breaking up with her. Please help me. Kevin
Your relationship seems to have started on the wrong footing where truthfulness and honesty were scarce. You ought to have discussed the issue of age when you first met. Another red flag is where you didn't know she has two children. My opinion is that you should run; your girlfriend cannot be trusted having kept you in the dark about her age and children.
Your family here is looking out for you, and they are right, there are too many red flags for this relationship to flourish. Kimani Meshack
It is written that a man will leave his parents and be joined to his wife and they will become one flesh. This means marriage is for the two of you. Even so, we can't rule out the family opinions because they can be seeing what you are blind to. Sometimes people who are in love become blinded only to regret it later. I would say search your heart and picture the future of this marriage.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
It's normal for college mates to fall in love and get intimate too quickly. Could you have fallen for the woman because of her financially standing? People marry for themselves although the family is part of one's life. Are you ready for rejection when it's said you married a granny or to be called a "Ben10?" Does the children's father(s) provide for your lover's children? Could you be looking for a mother in your girlfriend? A gap of six years is within your age group. Own your decision.
From your story, I do not know how long later on is but all I can say is that if you truly feel connected to her and she feels the same about you then nothing should stop you. If you both want a future together then it is up to you to fight for it. Nothing in life comes easy and sometimes you need to weigh your needs versus the wishes and wants of your family.
Even though your current relations are not guaranteed to last forever, you may regret if you conform to other people's demands and forgoing happiness only to end up with a partner that pleases your family but does not do the same for you. The fact that you have grown to love the children should also be a reason for you to stay. There are no greener pastures out there, only the decisions you make together form a functional loving relationship.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship counselor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I'm a woman in my late 30s and I've been seeing a great man who is 45 for about 18 months. I'm divorced and he's widowed, and we met by chance. Things progressed and we're now a couple.
We get on so well – it's very easy between us and we laugh a lot, and I'm keen to move things along. However, he still hasn't told his children about our relationship. His two daughters know we're friends and I have met both of them briefly on a couple of occasions.
But they don't know we're in a romantic relationship. I understand it's a sensitive area, as their mother died five years ago, but I do feel we've been together long enough now for him to say something.
I don't want to pressure him and ruin everything, but at the same time, I hate us being a secret and want to live my life openly. I have one teenage son, who I have told, and he's very happy for me. I've also told my family members and close friends, who all think it's great. Please advise. Suzie
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