Plain Truth: You don’t have to be married to your job to be successful

I witnessed a horrible case of slut shaming this week. Grown men and women had gathered on a social media group to discuss the men a certain well known lass is sleeping with. They all seemed oblivious of the fact that whatever happens in a grown woman’s bedroom shouldn’t be anybody else’s business. What I found even more interesting is their reason for wanting to dig into her life – “She seems to have a lot of money and yet she works only a few hours.”

We have romanticised struggle and shame people who have managed to set up passive incomes. No one goes to the river early in the morning and brings dirty water home is an African saying that very well describes the Kenyan woman’s attitude towards her career, business and life in general. When you are a woman, a black woman at that, then you need to work twice as hard as everyone else to even get to the top, right? This is what is drummed into our heads from childhood.

This was what I grew up believing. That to be successful in my career, I need to not only love but also, eat, sleep and live my job. If I was going to be a successful woman, then it didn’t seem like there was going to be room for much else in my life.

I believed this and battled with the work-life conflict that had me wanting to stand out at work while being present for my family, for a long time. Then I met Helen. Helen is a 40-year-old passionate entrepreneur. She owns a public relations firm and a travel agency, both of them pretty successful companies. The best part of it isn’t even the money, it is that Helen works only four hours a day. 

Sounds like she in one of those pyramid schemes, right? Well, wrong. This is her real life. Before she started her business, Helen worked at a bank. She was the perfect example of a woman who had broken the glass ceiling with a company, with an office car and a personal driver to boot. She, however, hardly ever saw her sons or her husband.

 She quit with the intention of creating something that would allow her the freedom to work only a few hours a day while giving her the financial freedom to explore her hobbies and other interests. Financially, Helen is successful. But unlike a lot of successful women, she is not married to her job. Far from it. Working just four hours a day, then she has the rest of her day to be a present mother to her two sons and to explore her love for travel. 

How to get your life back

This woman is proof that you don’t have to stomp all over your private life to succeed at your job. While it is true that some careers like law, medicine and entrepreneurship often need a great input in the form of time, you do not need to be married to the job to succeed financially.

If your chosen path is employment, you can also make it so that you do not need to be thinking about your job 24/7. The first thing would be to have a clear objective of exactly what you are doing at work. Instead of just aiming at being the employee that works longest, try being the employee who is most efficient. Have your eyes on results, not on time spent in the work place doing it.

Create boundaries with your colleagues. Do not take up projects on Friday evening that are due Monday morning. Do not appear to be available round the clock. Respect your personal free time commitments and do not feel the need to explain your personal commitments, much less apologize for them.

Take time to build relationships with your family and your close friends. Remember that when everything goes to the dogs, like in the event of a serious long-term illness, these are the ones who will remain – not your job.