MY STORY :Accepting my baby helped me lover her

Carol Mwaura, 34, is a celebrated Inooro TV reporter. Her areas of interest are health, women and child reporting.

"When I grow up, I will help children who need special care." I repeated this statement countless times to my mum.

I was born and raised in Murang'a County. I am a lastborn in a family of five. I schooled in Nyeri and later joined the University of Nairobi where I studied journalism.

I joined GBS TV from 2009 to 2014. I then moved to KU TV for some time and in September 2015, I joined Inooro TV where I work to date.

I got married to John Mwaura in 2013 and we got a boy in the same year. It was a smooth pregnancy and he was very playful.

Pregnant

I got pregnant again in 2017. This one was calm and only music would make her move. I did a scan to confirm whether the baby was fine and she was okay. Mumbi was born in February 26, 2018.

The nurses showed me the baby and rushed her to another room. I got worried. “Is my baby okay? Why are they asking for Dr Maina? And why did they rush out with her?” I asked. Fortunately, my mother in law was with me. We thought probably the baby was tired and needed to be taken care of.

After a while, the nurse came with my baby. “Try to breastfeed her,” the nurse told me. I was overjoyed when Mumbi did it without a struggle. I was to realise later that babies with Down Syndrome rarely breastfeed well. Most children with this condition are born with a hole in their hearts and this affects how they suckle.

Dr Maina, the paediatrician, finally came and asked for my baby. Shortly after, I was called to that room as well. I found my baby without clothes.

“Your baby is fine, physically. However, she has unusual features. She has low set ears, her eyes are slanting upwards, has a small chin, nose, mouth and head. Her muscle tone is low, she has one line on her palm and the gap on her foot between the big and second toe is too big. These features represent a condition called Down Syndrome,” said the doctor.

I could not believe it. I fought back by telling the doctor my family members had some of those features and they didn't have any condition. I had featured stories of children with cerebral palsy and autism but none with Down syndrome.

My husband was to travel to the US two days after the delivery for a work assignment and so I chose not to make him panic. We got discharged. I didn't share Mumbi's condition with anyone for a whole month.

Down Syndrome

I cried myself to sleep when I remembered how I had featured stories of parents with special needs children. I had helped many but why did it have to happen to me? When I was pregnant with Mumbi, I had a chance of featuring mums who had no children. I helped them go through IVF and they got healthy babies. Why would God allow me to be of help to others and reward me with a child that is abled differently? It did not make sense.

I would give my husband updates about the progress of the baby. But, I would break down afterwards. I knew there was something he needed to know but I couldn't tell him yet.

One day, I called asked myself : “Carol, if not you, who would you rather have such a baby? God, you have chosen me. You have a purpose for this. Help me fulfil my responsibility.”

I made peace with myself. I told my husband about the condition when he came home. It was an emotional moment but it changed our journey for the better.

Acceptance

Acceptance made it possible for me to seek solutions. It made it easier for me to accept and love her. At six months, Mumbi could not sit and neither was her neck firm. A friend advised us to start therapy early. There are mainly three therapies one can do: physiotherapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy. We chose to start with physiotherapy when she got to seven months. Her muscles were so weak that she could neither smile nor cry.

I am forever indebted to my employer who allowed me to be taking some time off for this therapy. They are painful for a baby and it broke my heart. My husband, a great treasure he is, would help a lot in such moments. We did therapy thrice a week for more than a year.

I also joined two groups. T21 families on Mbagathi Way and Down Syndrome Society of Kenya based at Parklands. We have WhatsApp groups where we get free webinars. We have doctors and specialists who help us to handle issues like nutrition, food allergies and they update us on the tests we need to keep doing. We have bought diapers for one another and made medication accessible for parents.

It feels good to hear a parent from such groups share the milestones of their children. We celebrate things that a normal person would take for granted like smiling, holding a spoon, sitting down, walking and even saying some words.

Mumbi walked when she was two. Our prayer changed from that of complaining to one of gratitude. My husband, family and friends have been of great support all through.

I have had a challenge with house managers. I have to take them through her way of communication and get someone who would love and understand her. Shouting at her slows her development, she feels rejected and finally withdraws.

Exposure

I love exposing Mumbi. She goes out with support around her to play and watch other children. She communicates with other children by hitting them which makes them run away from her. This breaks my heart because she can't make friends easily. It is also very hard for other children to understand her. All the same, I am happy because this makes her harden. Never worry about your baby going out to play with others.

We also allow our son to bond with her sister. He asks questions like why her sister does not talk to him  and we explain. It is important to allow siblings bond and know how to support each other.

Society also needs to stop judging parents harshly. Nobody has control over what kind of a baby they give birth to. We should not connect these children to myths and the past.

Mumbi loves music. When she turns three, we will enrol her for music lessons. I foresee a great future for her.

The moment you step into your purpose, you will be passionate about it and be willing to help others. I got my purpose through Mumbi.

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