My dad humiliates me, and only calls when he wants money

My dad humiliates me, and only calls when he wants money. Photo | Photosearch


What you need to know:

Interestingly, he is not like this with my step brother who I must say enjoys seeing me get humiliated.

My name is Zakaria, I am 34 years old, single, and working as a nurse. Allow me to share with you an issue that has been disturbing me for most of my life. I come from a polygamous family. My dad has been an abusive person— he used to humiliate me and my mum. He still does it to date. He says stuff like I am a failure and it is only through his support that I secured a job (I tarmacked for seven years). We rarely talk and he only calls to ask for money, mostly at the end of the month when I get paid. I fear seeing or talking to him because he treats me with condescension. Interestingly, he is not like this with my step brother who I must say enjoys seeing me get humiliated. How do I stay away from them? Thanks.



READERS ADVICE

Zakaria, sometimes parents do this to retain control over their children. They do it to meet their own emotional needs rather than considering the good of their children. What can you do? Parents are not perfect, because humans are not perfect.

Forgive him, but keep away from him as much as possible. Don't give too much importance to anything he says. You are an adult and you have a job, try to live independently. Don’t give attention to what other people say about you. People can call you names, but you have two options; to believe them, or to ignore and trust yourself. The decision is in your hands.


Fred Jausenge- Doha Qatar 


Walk away from people who don't appreciate or see your value.  Keep your distance for your own peace of mind. When it gets to sending money send when it's convenient for you and not them. Maybe one day they will look for you when they see your value. The bottom line is that he is still your father, so don't ever disrespect him.

Esther Jackie Agung


You are 34 and you are also aging, so treat your father the same way you want to be treated by your children. Support him and understand him since he is geriatric. He won’t be strong forever. Don’t cut ties, and mend the issues with happiness. all the best

Sahin Ramz


Keep the company of people who appreciate you. Just change your number and since he is your father send him money when you want not when he needs it. He has your blessings but the Kikuyus say that "the crippled curse the one who takes care of him." However, never ever disrespect him.

Gathuo Gichuru


The reason he got an issue with you is simple. You like to keep the company of your mother. 

Once a polygamous dad labels you with his defiant wife, you are done. At your age, you should know when to shift alliances to your dad for man-to-man stuff.

You are not lost yet. You can solve this yourself. When you come home, come to purposely spend time with your dad in such a way it’s clearly seen....greet him first before others, and spend time—real-time—even before you greet others. Allow jealousy to rise in your mum and observe. 

Send your dad money before he asks. Boy, just shower that old man with undivided attention. Come back after a few months and tell us what you find out.

Aaron Mukiiri



EXPERT’S TAKE

Your story is one that many can relate to because truth be told we all have family members that may create negative energy in our relations. The only way to manage such energies is to limit your contact and not to allow the past and present to haunt you or disrupt your mood. Considering your dad asks you for money despite your rift you need to ask yourself why you still have that connection. Is it out of a sense of obligation because he is your father and you feel that you must support your family regardless of how they treat you? Family can be difficult to deal with, so my recommendation is that you learn to accept their character traits and don't take the treatment personaly. Cutting ties completely is the easiest way but I have a feeling it may not be a long-term option for you. Live your life independently as possible and when you interact with family keep it brief and take the negative energy with a pinch of salt. Do not allow your hurt to break your spirit. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor





NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA 

Hello and thanks for the great job you are doing. Kindly hide my identity. I have an issue which I seek your advice. I am married but I have a side chick who got married recently as well. However, we are still in love and she got married to her husband because he is richer than I am. We chat often with the lady and she tells me her heart is into me and she loves my sex game. Is it wise to maintain the relationship? We are really in love. Kindly advice.


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