What you need to know:
- My boyfriend came to see me some few months ago and the communication between us was good and he used to call me every day
- Since last month that communication has died, and he never calls or replies to my texts
I have a boyfriend and we have been dating for quite some time now. He works in Kisumu and I in Mombasa. He came to see me some few months ago and the communication between us was good and he used to call me every day to make sure that I am okay. Since last month that communication has died, and he never calls or replies to my texts. When I ask him why he says I am stressing him. I love him so much and am now getting into depression because of him, please help.
It is sad and traumatic to love someone who doesn't love you back. Something negative must have put him off after his visit. I am afraid your boyfriend may have moved on already or some issues are disturbing him. I would advise that you don't push him too much, give him time and if he is meant for you he will communicate in due time.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Long-distance relationships pose a great challenge and the majority do not sail through. They demand a lot of sacrifice and communication is very vital for the survival of the relationship. In your case, several questions arise. What did he see or find that did not please his eyes or heart? Was this guy really committed to you? It would be important to ask him to open up and tell you why a rift grew after he visited. This will be the only way to tell if the relationship is still alive or not.
Calvin Queens, Blogger & Writer
Hi Tinna, everybody dates for their own reason. Maybe, your boyfriend did not desire a committed relationship like you. Now that he has shown who he truly is, perhaps it's time to move on. Life must continue and it's bad to get ill for someone who doesn't care about you.
Nyori Njuguna, Isiolo
Even though a long-distance relationship comes with a myriad of challenges, the easiest way for it to work is by having open and proper communication. It's unfortunate your boyfriend has shifted his attention but do not give up yet. Give him some space and you will be able to know if you are worth his commitment. But if he doesn't seem bothered and ready to put in any effort then that should be a sign that you need to evaluate your whole relationship and make a decision.
Being in a long-distance relationship sometimes is hectic. He visited you and a few months from then he cut off communication, what is it that happened between you that made him lose his interest in you? I don't think you are stressing him; he is just trying to avoid you.
Kindly take a bold step and travel to where he is and know exactly what the issue is.
Your boyfriend has ghosted you. He wants out but he doesn't have the courage to say that to your face. Pray to get the courage to go through the phase. It will be very hard but with God, on your side, you will get to the other camp. You are allowed to be deeply hurt at this time but refuse to sink into depression. May God give you patience and comfort.
The reference to depression tells me that you are too reliant on his communication which is unhealthy. A couple should want to communicate but that contact shouldn't be structured in such a manner that it begins to feel like an obligation. As grownups there is a reason we do not expect our parents to check on us every day so can you imagine when an adult feels that their partner is demanding attention? That forced affection stops being real. Reach out to him and ask how you stressed him. There must have been an event that caused his energy towards you to change. If you can have him open up, then you will be closer to reestablishing the truth and hopefully the harmony you wish to have with him.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
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