What you need to know:
What you need to know:
- It starts with finding yourselves together for most days in the week, then the annual clothes migration happens, and in a few months, your wardrobe is half hers and soon after it's a quarter yours
- Once in a while, you have a small fight. That's when you sleep on opposite sides of the bed but find yourselves together by morning
It's been a few years since I lived with a girlfriend and with good reason. Years back, I broke one of my most ardent cardinal rules in life— to never, ever, ever look through my partner's phone. Ever. Unless they're dying and even then it's will just to look for their emergency contacts. I learnt the practical implication of the Biblical message of seeking and you shall find. My girlfriend and I lived together and she had started acting dodgy and so I decided to do some snooping and one day when she was in the shower, I took a quick peek through her texts. I was in bed but I still felt my knees go weak. Sis was going through a pregnancy scare even though she and I hadn't copulated in over two months. It's safe to say that she moved out, more like I packed her bags for her, and she went wherever that is that demons go after stealing souls.
This throwback was brought up courtesy of a conversation I had with a group of friends about whether or not to move in with your girlfriend or partner. It's always an interesting issue to think through. No man ever thinks that they'll move in with their girlfriend until it happens. It happens slowly and then you wake up one day and you are roommates. It starts with finding yourselves together for most days in the week, then the annual clothes migration happens, and in a few months, your wardrobe is half hers and soon after it's quarter yours and three quarter hers and somehow it's no biggie. You don't have that many clothes anyway. In a month or two afterward, you start wondering why you're paying rent for two houses when you're usually in one house way more than the other and you start rationalising about how your house is more convenient because it's closer to both your workplaces.
So one person, usually the woman, decides to move in and you figure out how to balance off half of your household things and half of hers. The furniture usually ends up being hers because she invested in furniture while you were buying a large screen TV, PS5, and going on those trips to Lamu, not forgetting the nights out. You're initially hesitant about moving in together because you like your space and you wonder how you will keep your sanity with her there but you eventually find a balance.
You claim your space by staying in your room all day on some days with headphones on or going to the bar to hang out with your friends because you need to. Once in a while, you have a small fight. That's when you sleep on opposite sides of the bed but find yourselves together by morning. Other times, your fights last longer, and you would rather not see them for a day or two but there's nowhere to go because you're in your house. So you either sleep on the couch— which I refuse to because it's my house— or you share a bed, but ensure your toes do not touch. Perhaps even use different duvets so your bodies don't touch.
You eventually figure your way through the issue by either ignoring it until it becomes a monster or on occasion take the harder route to talk through it like adults. I always suggest great sex and bottling it up until it becomes a relationship deal-breaker. In between the joys and brawls, you start making decisions together about life. It begins with discussions over just how much beef is too much for a week to discussions around a new sofa and curtains and three working days later, you're discussing finances. You open a joint account where you start saving towards joint holidays and then that turns into saving towards investments and then to conversations about when you want to visit her parents.
Everything seems seamless. That's when you overlook your fears. But one day you get into a fight that you can't get out of and you realise that it's over. You are done.
It's time to leave. But then this is your house, and the lease is in your name, but then half of the stuff in the house is hers. Her move will be long and dreary and it will be complicated. You'll be left with a house half empty and a heart fully broken. And that house will never be just yours again. It will always remind you of her. You'll eventually move to start over and find a place that's truly yours
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