Let's be honest, people leave relationships when they want to, abuse or not

One of my favourite Kenyan artists is Nviiri. There's almost no wrong that he can do musically. He's released song after song showcasing his raw talent and passion. I sang 'Pombe Sigara' until my throat went dry and honestly thought that might just be his peak, as with most artists who are one-hit wonders pretty early in their careers, but he's proved me wrong time after time. I feel confident enough to say that history will remember him fondly.

Two weeks ago an online drama emerged. Elodie Zone, a YouTuber made abuse allegations against Nviiri. Elodie was the video vixen in Nviiri's song Niko Sawa and their on-screen act was sensual and intense. Rumour has it that they were looking cozy way after the shoot was done. They were at the Coast for a holiday and Elodie went on an Instagram stories tirade. She, in her rant, said that Nviiri wasn't her boyfriend then, later on, said that he was, then accused him of being abusive. She later retracted the story and apologised blaming mental health challenges and intoxication. She had been misquoted, the whole thing blown out of proportion, she defended, even though people were quoting her word for word.

A few more rumours emerged about Elodie being a habitual offender. The first thing I thought and posted online is that he should leave her because she will ruin his career when it's taking off and he deserves better.

The incident reminded me of Mejja's song Siskii where he talks about having an abusive girlfriend who everyone tells him to leave but he doesn't seem to and he is lost as to the reason why. The girlfriend, the rendition goes is calm in public, but turns nasty behind closed doors and while angry.

I have a friend or two whose girlfriends are, in my opinion, in need of a lot of medical help and judicial action. Our first instinct when our friends are in trouble is to give them advice, which is usually to leave. My issue is never with the small-small Nairobi cheating issues because that's a matter between two people usually solved by intentional ignorance and pretentious forgiveness with the promise of revenge later on.

My issue usually comes at the point at which it counts as abuse. Those girlfriends who slash your tyres. The ones who think that it's okay to tear up your certificates. The lover who tosses plates and cups and pans at you. That partner who is causing drama at the club trying to fight all your female friends and any women who even dare to breathe in your direction. There is also the girlfriend who threatens to kill herself when you want out of the relationship.

I've eventually realised that people leave when they are ready. You'll have your friend having a knife held to their throat on a Friday night, you'll separate them, call the police, help them record a statement and even help them seek medical treatment. Your friend will stay over at your place for the weekend as the temperatures cool off and you will feel good that he is finally out of the terrible relationship. That's until Wednesday of the next week. You'll have a bit of free time and get onto Instagram and see him posting photos of the two with one of those lovely-dovey captions about how nothing can keep them apart. You'll be stunned.

We can all think of an experience like that, can't we? Moments where we've given our friends advice to leave a person and helped them out of an abuse situation only for them to get back thereafter. This is the reason I hold off on advice unless it's a life or death situation and even then I only get them out of the scene but stay off giving them direction on love.

In the end, the person going through abuse has lived it more than we have, and they see the problem. That's why I chose to not get involved because your friends will make the decisions they want to make. It won't matter what you say.

Feedback to the editor: [email protected]