Is election anxiety wreaking havoc on your relationship?

There’s nothing like elections to kill any thoughts of romance you might have had.

Do you think you’re the only important person in your man’s life? Think again – you are but the mistress. His party comes first.

Not to be flippant about it, but a lot of us on this side of glory were hoping that elections would come and go without a fuss, without violence, so that we could go back to our normal daily lives and schedules. You know…date nights and what not (whether with different people or not, that’s entirely up to you).

Alas! This was not to be. Not only were elections drawn out and protracted, but aggrieved parties decided (as is there every right) that they want to contest the results. This is all well and good, but it’s very not well, and indeed, bad, for relationships.

Now, date nights comprise of watching the television anxiously for news. Any lingerie you’re wearing to distract them from the news will only be waved away impatiently. And who knows what will happen if you’re wearing the wrong colour!

So no date nights. And no other conversations other than who’s going to be president. Barely any work being done, if we’re being honest, really, because at this point, we’re all – including our needs – on tenterhooks. Anxiously watching and waiting. Sending random unfounded dodgy looking forwards. Keeping the television on in the background like our fathers used to do while not watching it – then immediately complaining if anyone dares change the channel/flip the dial.

The cause of democracy is a noble one, but surely, basic human requirements shouldn’t have to suffer. I have a few ideas for the next election to get over this post-results haze – that is, hoping that you’re still with the person you’re with now for the next one…

For one thing, you should have an election format that you follow around this time. If it’s shopping you need to do, do that together – just to have activities that you’re doing together other than worrying. Watch those polls piling in with snacks and comfort food – they say if you’re stressing about anything in life, eat first. That’s a certified Luhya proverb.

Agree that this period cannot and should not take over your whole life. It makes no sense for everything to come to a standstill because some rich guys are fighting over who gets to sell the country next. Make flashcards if you have to that offer a healthy dose of reality to your very concerned parties. These flashcards should say things like ‘Hi! I’m still your woman’ or ‘You still owe me money from the shopping for the aforementioned snacks we bought, so look alive and get back to work.’ That might be too long to fit on a flash card, though. Try, simply, ‘Rent!’

And then, though I know that this is generally thought of as not useful, send thoughts and prayers, I guess. All this to say maintain positive energy because these elections will come and go but your equilibrium, once lost, will be harder to get back. There’s only so much you can do in the face of a non-existent opposition. It isn’t your job, or your role past voting and being an active citizen, to count the votes individually yourself, or deliver ballot papers (unless it is, and if so, let’s meet behind the tent). Past a certain point, there’s only so much to do.

Take heart, dear friend. At some point, they’ll have to come to a decision, and the world will have to go on, if not only for the fact that Kenya has too much riding on being functional, but also, after your thoughts and prayers, for you. Chin up!