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I’m approaching 35 and I feel that I seriously need a baby.
Q: We met with my husband after his wife died after illness. He is 15 years older than I and had four grown up children when we met. I was on my first job and a bit young. During courtship, he told me that he did not want to have children. He asked me if I was fine with that and I agreed. He insisted that he wanted to concentrate on the children that he already had. Our life has been well until recently. I’m approaching 35 and I feel that I seriously need a baby. My husband looks unbothered by the questions that people keep asking us about children. I told him that I want a baby and he became mad. He is even refusing to sleep with me. He says I can trick him into pregnancy. I now feel like I should have a child from outside there. Please help.
A: Thank you for your question. You and your husband got into this union when you were at different stages of life. He needed a woman in his life who was supposed to be a companion but not a mother of his children. On your side, your life was at premier stage; you needed a husband and a father to your children. You wanted different things. The agreement that you had before marriage on not having your own children seems hard to change. You thought that your husband would change his mind, which shows you were not sincere in the agreement. You see, the life of your husband is moving on well because his children are all grown which makes him feel comfortable. Give the discussion another shot, in the presence of a family mediator, and decide on the way forward. Let your husband know your feelings towards the decision that both of you made concerning having children and access if you can revise its terms. How you navigate the discussion is important. Explain to him that although you were initially okay with not having children, the same issue has been causing you a lot of distress. Avoid blaming him because you are part of the pact. In the event he does not agree, understand he is still following on what you agreed. If you get a child outside marriage, you may get a baby but loose the marriage. You seriously need to have an inner evaluation. My wishes of success.