What you need to know:
I now live with a man I don’t love, plus I feel I’m too young for marriage. Should I move out?
My name is Scarlett. I’m 23 and from Nakuru. l got pregnant and I’m happy I have a baby girl. The problem is that there is also someone else from my area who has been supporting me since I was pregnant thinking that the baby is his, and my parents are pushing me to get married to him but I don't love him. I don't have any feelings for him. I love my baby daddy a lot though he is not rich and has not been very financially supportive as my parents would want him to be. I now live with a man I don’t love, plus I feel I’m too young for marriage. Should I move out? I need your advice, please.
You only marry when you feel ready and to the person you want. You don't marry because your parents say so, or because you are pregnant for the man. I agree with you, you are still too young to get married. Find a way out on how you can support yourself and your baby.
Your parents might be concerned with the responsibility of catering for your baby alone, but this is no excuse to get into a loveless marriage.
You are not a paragon of virtue and your sins are scarlet. You also come across as a happy-go-lucky person with no care in the world. Your parents could have nudged you into the unwanted marriage so that you gain focus and a future for your daughter. It is unlikely to work. Seek the biological father of your daughter and get a working arrangement for you and your daughter and from his answer work out a mature way forward- with or without him. Have your mother or a close relative lead the discussion. At 23 and already a mother, you are not young for marriage, you just need to grow up.
Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela
Being 23 and staying with a man who you do not love means you are entangled in a relationship of convenience. Even the marriage that you are talking about won't be anything much as it lacks the right foundation. Settling down with a rich man that you do not love will not guarantee you a successful union. You have the option of giving yourself time, raising your child, and working on being financially independent. Whatever decision you make just be sure to have something for yourself that you can depend on without necessarily relying on a man for all your needs.
People including your parents and relatives can advise you but you hold the last decision. Remember, you are the one who knows where the shoe pinches most, and not your parents. Secondly, what bonds a marriage is love and not money. You have to choose between making yourself happy and making your parents happy.
Lastly, you need to work on your own mind lest you live to regret later.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale
I believe that you got to be a mother and now you are negotiating a path to family life too early. That said, your situation is your reality and the choices you make will affect your future. You cannot live your life based on what your parents desire after all they will not be the ones marrying the man. However, I do understand their drive to position you with the man who in their mind will provide for you and your child. It's about security and that is what they want for you. Having a union, despite the security, with a man you have no feelings for will lead into a marriage of convenience, and if he were to notice that your feelings are not mutual it may put a strain on your marriage. Your baby daddy not being financially stable will bring hardship and some degree of conflict as you fight over his inability to provide. Your decision right now should be based on your child's welfare. Between the two men, which struggle can you live with? This is the question you should be asking yourself.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
I have been in a relationship for two years now. We always have conflicts and they always end up in bitter quarrels. This girl is very toxic and dramatic. She once almost killed me with a knife. I have tried everything for this relationship to work but it’s not panning out as expected. I feel like I have given up on this whole thing and it should come to end. Advise me, please.
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