I love him, but my friends and family say he is too dumb for me

I'm engaged to a thoughtful, generous, and funny man and I love him. He is 31 and I'm 38. The problem is that almost all my friends and family don't think we should be together.

I would normally take that as a huge red flag, except that the reasons people give are that he is too dumb for me. I'm from a family of financially well-off snobby academics and almost all my friends are fellow academics and doctors. My fiancé' is from a poor family, only studied up to Form four-level, and he runs a small business.

My family says we have nothing in common and that we don't share any interests. My friends snob him and act as if he doesn't exist. They have also made some nasty comments suggesting that he is with me because he's a gold digger. Now that we have announced our engagement, no one has congratulated us, apart from cautions for me to ensure I sign a prenup. I feel torn, should I side with my family and friends over the man I love? I treasure all of them. Please help.

Readers' Advice

There is something that your family and friends are seeing that apparently, you are incapable of untangling; Could it be that at 38 your biological clock is ticking and somewhat interfering with your judgment? I suggest you listen to your family and friends.

Zack Omoro

My dear, there are a few things I would want to remind you of. One, people can only advise you but the decision remains yours. Secondly, people will criticise every move someone makes whether negative or positive and this should not bother you so long as you are comfortable with your fiancé.

Also, love is meant for two and third parties' active involvement mostly causes more harm than good. If you truly love him, protect him from your bully friends. Lastly, when people fall in genuine love, factors like education level, financial background, physical appearance, age, tribe, religion among others, are not priorities unless one party does not have a true love for the other. If it's true that you love your fiancée as you claim, kindly give a deaf ear to critics and concentrate on your love. Wishing you all the best in your relationship.

Maxwel Odeka, Nairobi

You don't need our help, you have a brain, and remember the heart is not so smart as love is not about anything else but love. You should marry whom you love, if it ever goes bust, well you were in love and it's a nice place to be. But a prenup is a smart document to have these days, so sign one.

Annah Kairu

I think you are getting married out of desperation, the fact that you say he is poor and with a small business and didn't say anything positive about him, speaks volumes. You are not in love but desperate to have a man

Fridah Nkatha

I beseech you to evaluate your reasons for getting married, if it's for your family and friends then don't forget about the prenup, and if it's for love, follow your heart.

Ken P. Gideon

Expert's take

You have all the answers to your question. You have described your man as funny, generous, thoughtful and what has led you to this point is the love you have for him. In regards to what is perceived as a good man, a keeper is how you have described your husband to be.

If you are looking for balance you will not find it. You are not the first woman to face this hurdle from family & friends and neither will you be the last. You won't please everyone and life is not a straight line. You need to ask yourself if you are happy and whether you can weather the storm so that those who tried to sway you respect you for not giving in.

Let us say you do date an academic and he mistreats you the same people will ask you why you left the man who made you happy forgetting they were the reason. It is unfortunate that the class card has shown itself but your decision should be solely based on your happiness and contentment. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor 

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

Hi, I hope you are fine. I am currently having some kind of stress. I'm 25, a graduate from a renowned public university though still jobless. I have a boyfriend who is three years older than me and we started dating four years ago when he had a job. Three months later he enrolled for a course which he'll be done with next year. He delayed joining university due to a lack of fees, and he had to work for around three years to raise the money. Now my issue is that I love growth and development, and as of now both of us are jobless. I have looked for jobs since I graduated in 2019 with no success. I love the man so much and we agreed that he would look for a source of income when he is done with school. The issue is this: I wish I had a man who helps me to grow or one who has a job but my boyfriend is jobless and in school, which makes me frustrated. My worry is that he may finish school and look for another girl, yet I have patiently waited for him. I'm not materialistic but I would love to at least have someone who helps me with my needs but he's unable to do so because he is paying his fees and bills. What should I do? I love him, he is mature and understanding and he knows what he wants in life. Should I continue persevering for him? 

Mature advice only. 

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