What you need to know:
- Over the years we have fought over sex as he has a high sex drive and it began to feel like an obligation
- Our life became very settled, as we raised our two children and balanced tight work schedules
I've been with my partner for six years and he's handsome. I am very much in love with him but I lack lust. Over the years we have fought over sex as he has a high sex drive and it began to feel like an obligation. Our life became very settled, as we raised our two children and balanced tight work schedules. I don't often do anything exciting or dress up and feel sexy. I find it hard to get aroused and became less interested in trying new things. I can only orgasm in one position and I often experience discomfort with spicing things up. How can I get my sex life back? Where do I start?
You still call him handsome, which demonstrates that you still love, and are attracted to him.
There's a communication issue here. Most people are where you are, you know, a Mr. Handsome knocks on their door, they open it for him, then they tell him, "Find your way around the house." Only to find him sleeping in the kitchen and showering in the bedroom!
When your guest is going to be around for longer than two hours, etiquette demands that you show them around the house, you know, this is my sitting room, this is my kitchen, I prefer eating a snack first before the main course! Not all Mr. Handsomes know how to find their way around your house.
Sex is linked to the mind. Sometimes what puts us off from enjoying intimacy is our attitude. How do you view it? Our past experiences may also play a part for example if you were molested. During intimacy, men can easily be aroused by what they see but women are triggered by feelings. To ignite this, you have to start by changing your attitude towards intimacy, and if it persists visit a sexologist.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Everyone's desire for sex isn't the same all the time. Furthermore, in a relationship, your sex drive isn't always going to match your partner's—and that's when things can get tricky. It's common for couples to experience times when one partner has a high desire for sex and the other has a lower desire. Some medications, excessive drinking, stress, or depression can all contribute to low libido. If your problem is chronic visit a sex expert.
A great relationship is where both partners are satisfied. Yours is not balanced considering inconsistency in your sexual desires. And since intimacy plays an important role in either a marriage or relationship, both of you have a duty to play. You have the option of making him understand your response on sex matters before he considers getting satisfaction from someone else. The love you have for him is an integral part of your connection and this is the part you need to put into action. You can also engage a sex coach to guide you through and together with him you will refresh your intimacy and embark on enjoying it together.
If you're fine with what he does and he always gets his orgasm, stop bothering yourself with those Kung Fu styles. He could be getting the lessons from some lass or has subscribed to Pornhub and is trying out with you. Don't be stressed, eat well, exercise, and focus on what makes you happy.
There is a word that should never describe sex and that is the word obligation. A sexual episode should stem from a degree of flirting and seduction. If there was a time when arousal was easier then you and your man need to have a talk on how to reestablish what worked then and isn't happening now. Despite his higher sex drive your man must understand what type of buildup turns you on so as to avoid the tug of war occurring between you. You may love him but you must also desire him. Spicing up is overrated. What matters is to reconnect and revive mutual seduction that works for you both.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
My boyfriend wants to have a three-month live-in trial with me before deciding to marry me. Should I leave him? We've been together for four years now and I feel like he's not sure about settling down with me.
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