I feel pressured to be intimate with my husband

My husband is highly physical and sexual. I feel I am unable to keep up with his needs and demands. He wants to get physical and sexual at every opportunity we get. I just cannot, and this exhausts me even though I try. At times I feel that if I do not cooperate, he will just find an outlet elsewhere. We are emotionally compatible but sexually we are opposites. Is there anything I can do to increase my energy?

READER'S ADVICE

It's normal for one to be deficient in a way but this does not mean you are a lesser woman. Direct your case to sexologist Prof Joachim Osur or any sex expert and things will work out well.

James Gitonga

I want to think you are talking about your man's sexual urge being high and if so, we thank God for this. You just need to work on your end by checking or finding out what is making your libido to be down. Avoid stress and your husband needs to participate in easing your way through.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

Have you tried talking to your man? Communication is very important in every relationship. If you haven't opened up yet, find some time and talk about it when not tired. Also, try to relax and eat healthily. Sex is two-way traffic.

Mercy Baiyenia, Nairobi

For how long has this been an issue? How long have you been together? Can you confirm that it has not started recently? If this has been the trend, then it could be deep-rooted.

Be sure that he is not using drugs that are making him extra active. Moreover, ensure that this is not a result of porn addiction. Compatibility is defined in various aspects, and it's good you have an emotional connection, so try to work on the sexual tie as well.

Sit him down and discuss your comfort and health as you are not headed anywhere good. Stop it.

Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo

You have not mentioned if your husband had all these attributes during your dating time. If this is the kind of man he was before you met, then chances are it will be difficult to change him and make him the man that you want. But if he changed after the marriage, then a talk with him will help. Remind him of the kind of discomfort he is causing you before it escalates to a level you will not be able to handle. Consider involving a counselor to help you get a solution.

Juma Felix

EXPERT'S TAKE

Your current issue is more about stimulus delivery than a case of lack of sexual compatibility. It is not the energy you lack. It is a bodily stimulus that translates to pleasure that you lack in your sexual episodes. I hate to speculate but your description of your sex life sounds obligational rather than that derived from him seducing you to equally crave for his influence. If you have to use words like cooperate, that tells me that you feel you must conform to avoid issues or having him step out. The only way you can remodel your intimacy is for you to explore what your husband can do to get you aroused and have you enjoy his touch. If he can change and make it about pleasing you then you can begin to want and appreciate his advances. When you receive great stimulus your body releases feel-good chemicals that make you yearn for the next episode.

Relationship expert, Maurice Matheka

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

My name is James and I will be turning 30 in a few months. I am married and blessed with a baby girl. My issue is that I hate how my wife speaks to me— the tone she uses is authoritative. I have tried many times to tell her to show me respect but she has not heeded. I believe a man needs respect. My wife was an orphan and she thinks I am always correcting her behavour. When I see how other men are respected by their women and when my women friends share how they are submissive to their husbands, I feel heartbroken.

Before the baby, I would hardly get sex from her. Sometimes, I would beg and she would totally refuse. As it is I want to pay for her college, and once she is done and employed, then I will break-up with her. Honestly, I even lost the morale to be intimate with her because of how she treats me. I would like to hear people's advice on my dilemma.

Have a pressing relationship dilemma? Email us at [email protected]