I don't like that my mum changes men too often

I'm a 21-year-old woman and have a young mum – she had me when she was 18, so is only 39. I love the fact she's always been a friend to me. My issue is that she's had a messy history with men. She met my dad when she was young, and after a few years, they parted ways. She then got married when I was five and broke up a few years later. She had two more long-term relationships which didn't last. Last year, she met her current boyfriend online, and she is talking about marrying him in a few months. She tends to get bored with men after a few years and I'm always the one to pick up the pieces. I feel angry because I don't see why she has to get married. Why can't she just be with a guy without feeling the need to wed? How can I stop her without us falling out?

Lina

READERS ADVICE

I can only imagine how you feel about your mum's relationships. Unfortunately, you have been seeing her struggle without success. As much as you want the best for her, it is hard to raise issues as pertains to her sexual life with her. I would advise you to look for someone close to her to do it on your behalf. This will help you to continue with the cordial relationship you have been having.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

First I sympathise with you for the issues you go through because of your mother, the fact that she has had a messy history with men doesn't mean that your mother is the problem. Maybe she is still looking for Mr. Right. It can be hard to get your soulmate and that is what your mum may be searching for.

With old age comes wisdom and when she hits 45 she will be more aware that being married is a near impossibility. You don't need to stop her from dating but you can encourage and suggest to her that perhaps she is better off dating her current boyfriend instead of rushing to wed.

Ken Kiprono

Since you did not mention any other siblings in your family, I take it that you are the only child. Your mum is therefore the only close family. Consequently, she's not only your mum but is like a sister and a very close friend and confidant. This has led to a very strong attachment and could explain why she gets bored with other relationships. You understand each other too well and have great company after 21 years together. She feels therefore so much at home with you.

For healthy growth in your lives, you need to think of a life away from your mum. She is a grown-up and it's only fair that you set her free to have her own life. Stop worrying too much about her. Move on with your life but assure her that you will always be there for her.

Counselor John Wambugu

Let your mother enjoy life with her better half. You have no business meddling in your mother's love life. Wait for your time and you will understand what love life means. You don't understand your mother's past experiences and you can't judge her. Respect her decision and stay away.

Duncan Royal Class

Sorry for the psychological torture you are going through but remember your mum is young and needs someone to love her. From your description, she has some unfinished business from previous relationships. Kindly ensure she gets professional help so that she can set goals for the new relationship.

Mercy Baiyenia

EXPERT'S TAKE

You cannot avoid some form of conflict between you and your mother if you share your worries and concerns regarding her dating life. The only thing that you can do is tell her how you feel and how her relationships over the years have affected you. She will then take into consideration your sentiments and take whatever action she needs to take. There is a possibility that she will not change her ways regardless of what you say or do. You are in a position to share your feelings but you are in no position to stop her. As an adult yourself you need to begin mapping out your trail in life. It is not your job to reform your mother to what you desire her to be, she holds the key to her choices. You want the best for your mother but there is only so much you can do to help her.

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

Hello, I'm 24 and currently living with a 36-years-old man. We're not legally married yet. We love one another but the problem is his children. He has two daughters and the last born is completely out of control, she disrespects me and talks to me however she feels. It really lowers my self-esteem. Every time I tell his father of her behaviour she denies it. I'm tired of this but I don't know how to walk out of the relationship since this man hasn't given me a reason to. I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Rosaline

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