I broke his virginity, but now he is off sex

Stressed woman

A woman in a dilemma. 

Photo credit: Fotosearch

What you need to know:

  • There are many reasons why a man of whatever age to suddenly refrain from sex
  • You however will only know his reason if you have a candid conversation that does not include pointing fingers

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for two years. He was a virgin when we met. After about a year of dating, we had sex. I am 23 and he is 26. We used to have sex often, but now he is completely uninterested in anything sexual. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore, although I haven't changed much since we started dating.

Other than sex, we have a great relationship. We don't fight, but it hurts my feelings that he doesn't want to want to be intimate with me anymore. What's do you think I should do?


Readers' advice

The change must have been ignited by a reason. You say that you have not changed, but I believe you have. Communication is the key to the success of every relationship. Take time and communicate with your boyfriend about your feelings. He may open up to you as to what has happened. -Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale

Sexual relationship destroys a relationship and especially if it was entered through infatuation instead of love which is based on sense and reason. Many young people enter into relationships because of emotions and, once the feelings are over, that's the end of the union. You must ask yourself if both of you have any reason to continue being together. If there is no good reason, quit and focus on building a reasonable relationship in the future. -Francis Kauta, Kitui

This is a puzzle that you have created for yourself. You dated for one year without being intimate but today you are worried about sex? My sister, you shouldn't date for intimacy, it's time for you to change your mindset and focus on the future life. -Amos Anzetse, Moi's Bridge

If the milk is free, why buy a cow? What is earned with difficulty is valued, humans place little worth on free things. My advice, let these men buy the cow first, otherwise, they will continue enjoying free milk (wife benefits) without accountability and when they are tired, they will move on to the next cow. In marriage, it's not easy to move to the next cow. You think God was stupid when He said, sex should happen after marriage? You authored your misfortune, deal with it. -Alex Ngure

Expert's take

There are many reasons for a man of whatever age to suddenly refrain from sex. You however will only know his reason if you have a candid conversation that does not include pointing fingers. He may struggle with something related to your sex life and he does not know how to address it. Some men refrain once they realise or feel that they are ill-equipped or they cannot satisfy their woman. It is a sensitive topic for a man to share with anyone leave alone his girlfriend. His lack of sexual appetite has nothing to do with his love or feelings towards you hence why you confidently can state that your relationship harmony is intact but only your sex life has declined. Tell him that you always want him and make him feel like he can share without judgment.

Relationship Counsellor, Maurice Matheka

Next week's dilemma

I am engaged to a wonderful woman. We met and became friends and even introduced one another to our parents to start marriage protocols. We were intimate for some months before she left for overseas on work-related duties. The contract she got seems to be taking longer, and I don't know when she will be back. I now feel lonely and like I never made the right decision. We often talk on online apps, video, and voice calls but the gap is still huge. When I ask her when she will be back, she doesn't reply. I really love and miss her so much but I am worried. What should I do?

James, Nairobi Kenya

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