I am with Trisha, but I love my ex, Alice. Please help!

I am with Trisha, but I love my ex, Alice. Please help! Photo | Photosearch

What you need to know:

The truth is, in as much as I don’t want to be with Trisha, she has told me a couple of times that if I ever leave her, I should forget about our child.

Hello, after having a relationship dilemma for two years now, I've decided to share. I have two ladies, each with my child and I don't know who to choose. I messed up, and I regret my actions deeply. At the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, I moved to the city to start my new job, a year after my graduation. I had left my five months pregnant girlfriend, Alice, back in the village. She was still living with her parents, even up to now. Due to lockdown, we didn't see each other for another three months. During this time, I met a lady in the city, at the flat I was living in. I'll refer to her as Trisha. One day, my friends and I went for drinks; it was my first time ever getting drunk.  I somehow gathered confidence and approached Trisha at her apartment. I moved in with her after a month. Although I still supported Alice all through everything and I'd spare time to go see her, I continued with my escapades back in the city. To cut a long story short, I ended up impregnating Trisha and supported her all through to delivery of our baby girl. Although Alice kept insisting on coming to the city to pay me a visit, I would come up with excuses as to why she couldn’t visit. Later, I came to find out that Alice was seeing someone else, and my stay with Trisha was cut short after I realised that we are not compatible.

I still have feelings for Alice, and I was afraid of losing my son, so I didn’t tell her about Trisha, and she is yet to find out. I think she has broken up with her new man because she has been chatting me up, requesting that we get back together for the sake of our son. I am compatible with her.

The truth is, in as much as I don’t want to be with Trisha, she has told me a couple of times that if I ever leave her, I should forget about our child.

I don’t know what to do.  


It's a positive sign that you've detected now whom you truly love. Just stick to Alice and patch things up and find a way of telling her about Trisha.

Gilbert Yator

Deciding on a life partnership requires commitment and responsibility from both parties. Courting requires time, enough to know each other and to decide on your compatibility. You need to be more careful with yourself because you might still move in with another without any caution and hence complicate your case more. You are not married to either of them so make up your mind. My take: Do not be blackmailed with children. Take your time and move on.  

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

You do not look like a man who is ready to settle with any of these two women. Your indecisiveness got you in this dilemma and the best you can do is to make sure you raise your two children regardless of whether you settle down with either of the women. Trisha might be using your child to have you marry her but that should not be a reason to commit. Use the law and safeguard every party involved in your predicament. 

Juma Felix

You need to call yourself to a meeting to evaluate your destiny. Multiple-sex relationships will do you more harm than good. I would advise you to stick to your first wife. If Trisha decides to go with your child, let her go. I blame you for not letting her know that you were a married man. Here you need to make a decision for the sake of your future.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

What has happened is your values and horizons have gradually changed and you cannot imagine life without your Kienyeji girlfriend and rightly have a nagging feeling that the city girl is taking advantage of you. Your instincts are right. Take a step back from both of your lovers, for a period of time and re-evaluate your life. The solution is actually with you and will emerge after honest introspection.

Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela 


What you need to do is take a few steps back and review what you really want from a relationship. That realisation should be followed by honesty from you to the two women in your life. Whatever you do, do not commit to anyone yet. That will only breed a toxic future between the two of you. Right now it is not about which of the two you’re compatible with. It is about you being honest with the truth so that whoever you decide to be with is also in the know. Despite you and Alice sounding like the better fit. If she ever finds out about your Trisha she might never forgive you. After telling the truth there shall be a bundle released from your system. You owe yourself and them that opportunity to stop keeping secrets. Alice needs to know the truth so that she makes a decision with all the facts. A patchwork in your relationship will not guarantee a fruitful future. You need to bite the bullet and reveal all. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor


I have been married for five years and we are blessed with one child (3½years). We have struggled with my wife in bad and good times. I trusted and loved her so dearly and so did she. Our financial status was bad and we agreed I get a job outside the country to better ourselves. It was rumoured that my wife was cheating on me but I didn’t take it seriously for I trusted her. The same persisted until I decided to do my due diligence. I tracked her phone and established some conversation with a man whom it seemed they had gone far. I asked her and showed her the evidence and she honestly opened up to me that indeed she had an affair with the man but she feels remorseful. I love her and my child but I feel betrayed and no longer think that I can have intimate feelings with her again. Please help me on how to deal with this.

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