I am losing patience with my husband who has been diagnosed with dementia

Q: We are married and with three grown-up children. My husband is in his late 60s and he has been acting strange. He shouts at everyone at home and when I ask him something he is very rude. He forgets a lot and becomes angry often. He was diagnosed with Dementia. I cannot handle him and my love for him is fading fast. I'm tempted to leave him. I'm doing so much to help him handle his condition and our marriage too but things are becoming very difficult. Please help me

A: Your husband was diagnosed with dementia which means although he may not visibly appear sick, he is suffering from memory loss and confusion. Accept that your marriage will now change. Know that it will no longer be an equal partnership. Eventually, you will have to take on all of the responsibilities of managing your household, caring for your family, and even helping your spouse with the smallest of tasks. Your role as a spouse will gradually transform into the caregiver. You need to understand that the behaviour of your husband is not intentional, as the illness could make him take on a new personality. That is why he is lashing out and is often angry. Having known your hubby for years, it may seem difficult not to take these behaviors personally, but please know that it is necessary. Additionally, understanding the cause of his aggression may help you to not become offended by him, and instead help him in the process. When you continue nursing thoughts of leaving your spouse because he is sick, it would also mean that probably you did not love him fully as a person. Look, when you said your vows, you probably did not plan on marrying someone who you would have to take care of. You likely envisioned a relationship of equals and when this issue has arisen, resentment is often common. Keep in mind that you will likely make your new reality even worse. So instead of getting mad at your spouse, get mad at the disease. I suggest you ask friends and family for help. Taking on the role of caregiver is overwhelming and stressful for many and it is alright to ask for help. My best wishes.

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