I am afraid that my penis is shrinking

I am afraid that my penis is shrinking. Photo | Photosearch

What you need to know:

  • For most men, masculinity equals success in sexual performance with a normal size
  • Bedroom failure is synonymous with fading masculinity
  • Anxiety makes affected men feel that the penis is actively degenerating

There are many untold stories of doctor's lives. One of such is that their phones never go off and that they receive calls in the most ungodly hours of the night, sometimes irritating their bedmates. This is the thought that rushed through my mind as I stared into the darkness of my bedroom at 3 am. I had just received a call from a man I did not know who could not cope with his distress at that time of the night.

"I am calling you from the toilet, I do not want my wife to hear this conversation," he said in a hushed voice, "my penis is shrinking, I cannot sleep, I feel like I am going crazy!"

I kept quiet, struggling to clear my mind from the heaviness of sleep. At such hours of the night, one needs to be sure that they are not dreaming; that what they are hearing is a real voice, not hallucinations.

"Can you hear me, I need help," the man said emphatically. 

Incidentally, the man, Govan, had had sex with his wife earlier in the night and lost his erection mid-way. His wife was disappointed and said that his penis was small and feeble as she pushed him away. After worrying for hours he thought his manhood was shrinking. I convinced him to come to the Sexology Clinic after daybreak since there was nothing much we could do at that time of the night.

I arrived at the clinic at 7.30 am and found Govan waiting. He was anxious. It was not the first time he had suffered erection failure. His erections had been erratic for close to three years. His anxiety levels had been rising over that time, especially due to a negative reaction from his wife whenever erections failed.

The couple, Govan and Rose, were in their mid-thirties. They had been married for seven years and had two children. Their sex life had been fine then one night Govan failed to perform. His erection faded. That marked the beginning of his troubles. He got troubled by the experience and developed self-doubt. He started wondering if his penis was of normal size and at the height of anxiety felt that his penis was shrinking, some common symptom men with ED frequently get.

"When my wife said that my penis was small and feeble my head nearly burst, I got a terrible headache, I could not fall asleep, she had confirmed my fears!" Govan said.

Govan had joined the league of men who scout all over the place looking for penis enhancing drugs. Some ask for surgery to enlarge their manhood. The problem however is never the size. Most men with this worry have normal sizes. Their worry normally is that their masculinity is fading or is inadequate. For most men, masculinity equals success in sexual performance with a normal size. Bedroom failure is synonymous with fading masculinity. Anxiety makes affected men feel that the penis is actively degenerating. They feel it melting in their minds. They touch their private parts severally in a day to confirm that their manhood is still there.

"You have performance anxiety worsening your erection failure," I explained, "It is normal to feel that the penis is shrinking when you are anxious." 

I went ahead to do a full medical assessment for Govan to establish the cause of his erection problems. All medical tests turned out to be normal. I could not identify lifestyle issues that could have triggered the erection failure. All I could put a finger on was a deterioration in their marital relationship.

I held several therapy sessions with the couple. There was a striking difference in their personalities and they were finding it difficult to cope.

"I always feel disrespected by my wife," Govan said in one of the sessions.

"Is that why you have never shown me any love?" Rose asked in response, "I feel unloved in this marriage, it is disheartening."

It took five sessions to resolve the challenges in their marriage. The problem in most marriages is that people try to change their spouses into what they are not. This brews conflict and the personality differences that initially drew them together become the points of irreconcilable differences.

"My feeling that it was shrinking was because we were dysfunctional as a couple," Govan said on their last visit to the clinic. His erections were back after they resolved their conflicts. 

Prof. Osur is a Kenya-based reproductive and sexual health expert and a reproductive rights advocate


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