Heart advice: My feelings for my wife have fizzled out

I need advice on how to revive my feelings again to my wife. My affection for her has fizzled out yet I do not have side chicks. What should I do to make things hot again? Kiptoo

Readers' advice

You have taken the first step of healing, accepting that things are not well. Nothing happens out of blue. To get total healing for your affection you need to deal with the source and not the symptoms. Ask yourself this question; "What were you doing that you no longer do?" Sometimes this happens to couples who discover hidden things they didn't know about their partners when marrying them— hidden packages. It may be caused by financial constraints or overwhelming responsibilities. Find out.

Geoffrey Avudiko

A problem identified is easily solved. Let's get some points clear though: How old is your marriage? How many children do you have? Where do you stay? The age of marriage tends to fade certain memories and habits if not well taken care of. Two, the number of children and the responsibility can weigh you down. It can reduce affection for one another. The cleanliness of the other party can bring about the issue at hand.

If the lack of morale is caused by the other party then issues are best solved early. Involve any third party where an agreement is not easily reached. Do not leave the discussion table unsatisfied.

Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo

You need to recall at what point the affection started fizzling out to know what triggered it. Mostly it occurs when either party shifts their attention to other demands e.g a child, job, etc. You need to create more time for your wife. Take her out and start having fun with her. Also, go back to the things you enjoyed doing together even if it's cooking, chatting, or jogging. In case she is so busy in the house for you, engage a house help if you don't have one. You can also attend marriage enrichment seminars together.

John Wambugu

At least you have realised that you need to do something to revive feelings towards your wife. But what is the cause? Is it you or is it her who has caused it? Before you blame her, evaluate yourself first. What are your expectations of her, how did you know what to expect? You have expectations, she is your wife, take her out. Romance her, love her, and talk expectations. Buy her new outfits, direct her towards your expectations. Women are to be loved, and they give back what they are fed. Garbage in garbage out. The Bible tells us to love your wife and she will be obedient.

JK – Eldoret

Expert's advice

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor, answers:

Human feelings do fizzle. Nothing is guaranteed in a relationship. Only those in the union can work things out if there is a mutual willingness to resolve the issues that may be causing the disconnect. Even in a once loving relationship boredom can set in especially when you get overly used to each other and you stop relating like you would with a lover. You need to figure out what changed for your feelings to diminish. You also need to have a candid chat because to reconnect, you must be both aware of the issue and are willing to work towards establishing affections. Men are thrill-seekers and perhaps the fun element in your relationship is at its lowest point hence your predicament. Once you can pinpoint the core issue then you can remedy it.

NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA

I am in my early 30s, a graduate, and a born again Christian. The biological clock is ticking quickly yet I have not found a lover. So many women admire me yet no one matches my choice of education and behaviour. All my former school classmates have married. I am a serious person, sociable, analytical, extroverted, and one who is secretive. I am a lecturer in the making. I want to use this platform to get a lover, who can match my qualities. Masho

Have a pressing relationship dilemma? Email us on [email protected]