What you need to know:
- You never discussed what being together on a weekend should have entailed.
- The question you need to ask yourself is if he is worth the wait.
This week's dilemma
I’m just stressed up. I have been dating my boyfriend for nine months. Recently, we went on a weekend getaway, and while there we did not get intimate. Since then, things took a new turn. It’s now one month since we last spoke. I feel like we’re drifting apart. I love him so much and I don't know what to do. I have tried reaching out to him so we can solve the issue, but it seems hard.
Are you really both in it? Relationships are different. So are friendships. I think you two were just friends. You seem to have been in a platonic relationship. Your future plans were not specific and clearly defined. Your weekend away lacked direction and there was poor communication. You never discussed what being together on a weekend should have entailed.
Yes, you clearly understand what caused friction after that weekend; not getting intimate. Knowing the root cause of any problem is its first solution. Now that you know it’s intimacy that caused the problem, what are you doing about it? Are you interest in intimacy? If you are, then try to explain this to him. If intimacy is not among your interests, then forget about him. There’s no two ways about this. Make up your mind and follow your heart.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
I can only imagine how you are feeling and what you are going through. The Bible says love is as strong as death. It is especially hurtful when you give yourself fully and you get the opposite. Having said so, I think from your explanation your boyfriend did not get what he expected. I always say, “no hopes, no disappointed”. When you have high hopes for something and then you fail to get it, you’re disappointed. I suggest you ask his close friend to find out why the sudden change. Lastly, whatever is meant for you, will always come back to you.
All the best.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa,Kitale
Your boyfriend is ghosting you for reasons known only to him. It is commendable that you have tried to reach him for a talk even though he does not seem interested. Having been in a relationship for only nine months does not mean you know him well. So, avoid stressing yourself out and take your time to heal before you decide on the next move. If he misses you and wants a lasting relationship, he will act.
It is a bit odd for a new relationship to result in a weekend that has no intimacy, but there is always an explanation. If you have reached out to him and he hasn't responded yet then you need to give him space and time to get back to you. Whatever the issue, you will only make it worse if he feels pushed. When he is ready, he will let you know. The question you need to ask yourself is if he is worth the wait. Your relationship is pretty young and these are some of the trials that you use to evaluate your behaviour towards one another especially when things are not all rosy. One trait you must cultivate is patience. One thing you could do, if you have not already, is ask him if he still wants to be your boyfriend. That might get his attention and have him respond sooner than later. But remember, do not persist once you deliver your message.
Next week’s dilemma
I have been married for nine years. I have provided everything for my wife and her family. I had a very demanding job that required me to travel out of the country frequently. My wife understood and supported me. I remained faithful to her. I quit the job and started my own company. My wife was supportive in the first year. I decided to cut down on spending and we moved to a cheaper neighbourhood. I recently discovered my wife is intimate with a guy she met at a family function. When I questioned her, she claimed I never gave her attention and that I was always angry, which is not true. She now says she wants us to work on our marriage. But, I think she was after my money. What should I do?
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