Heart Advice: I volunteered to make breakfast for my wife once, now she expects me to cook all the time
What you need to know:
Summary:
- A few months ago, I got up and took her breakfast in bed
- The other day, she demanded for the breakfast and I stormed out
- I am so mad at her sense of entitlement, as she says she serves me other meals with no qualms
I have always woken up before my wife of six years. A few months ago, I got up and took her breakfast in bed. Now she expects this as a matter of course. The other day, she demanded for the breakfast and I stormed out. She doesn't understand why I am so mad at her sense of entitlement, as she says she serves me other meals with no qualms. Her expectation is what offends me, plus now she takes it for granted. How do we sort out this amicably?
READER'S ADVICE
It all started with you. You should only start a journey you will walk to its destination. Only start what you can sustain. Honestly, what made you stop making breakfast? Like your wife, I would be offended and demand for it. You should have told her off from the word go.
Do have your roles defined. Let your wife know that she is not a worker in that house but some duties are feminine and should not be compromised nor discussed. Be a man and avoid doing things because you are emotionally carried away.
Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo
Unfortunately, your problem was planted and now it has grown to be a big tree. There are things couples do as a sign of love not knowing their implication. For your case, let your wife understand how you feel about her behaviour. I do believe with good communication; all will be well.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa,Kitale.
I think it's quite bad for Africans to apply what they see in Western movies in their lives. I think cooking your wife breakfast in bed only happens in romance movies. Now, you tried it and didn't work, you need to define your roles. It will be hard at first but she will slowly come to terms with it.
You want to imply your wife is lazy, by your assertion that you are the early riser in your marriage. Accept the fact that she's what you made her be and walking out is not an option. The best way is for both of you to resolve to wake up early and do everything together.
Be careful with the things you start during the formative years of marriage. They will work against you in the future if you don't manage to keep them alive. Your woman will think you changed while you were on trial and error.
EXPERT TAKE
The only way to explain your predicament is that you broke from routine. In this scenario, you added a flavour of romance and she was captivated but instead of embracing it as a gesture from a man to his wife, she decided it was a right. If you are normally civil to each other then she should understand that you would like or love to serve her based on you wanting to perform that act but not as an obligation. That said, you need to keep your calm and take responsibility. Surprise her once in a while, considering you are the one who introduced her into a world where her man can serve her breakfast in bed. Tell her you loved doing it but if pushed, it won't be as satisfying.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
There is this issue troubling me and I don't know who else to talk to. I guess I fear harsh judgment from friends and family. I got engaged recently. The whole thing was so underwhelming. He proposed to me in his sitting room as we were watching a movie. I would have preferred something more special and unique. And then the ring...honestly, I hate it so much. It's a disgusting gold-coated ring with fake bling that looks extra cheap. It looks like he bought it off the streets or in a dingy downtown shop. I get that it's sentimental and all that, but I cannot possibly wear the hideous ring. How do I get my fiancé to buy me a better ring without sounding like a nasty spoilt brat?
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