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What you need to know:
- You seem to be the one who was most committed in the relationship. You noted he wasn't serious but decided to 'wait' for him.
- You need to move on even if it is the last thing you want to do
Q: I have been in a relationship for three years. My boyfriend has not shown any commitment and says his work is involving. I decided to give him time. One time I asked him where our relationship was headed, he got furious and accused me of giving him unnecessary pressure. I apologised and things were okay. During Valentine's Day, he invited me for dinner, and I was very excited thinking that it may emanate to a marriage proposal. He drinks and that day as usual he started drinking. I don't take alcohol but he insisted I join him. It was my first time and I think I was not myself. Though I cannot remember what happened, in the morning, he was quitting the relationship. He claimed that I behaved badly after drinking. But I did it for him. Aunt, why would he dump me after Valentine's? I love him so much. I was so loyal in this relationship and did everything to please him. Please advise.
A: You seem to be the one who was most committed in the relationship. You noted he wasn't serious but decided to 'wait' for him. You see, when you asked about the direction of the union, he became furious until you apologised. This was a defense mechanism to shut you up and make sure you will not ask the same in the future. If he was committed, he would not have got mad. He made you drink for the first time and blamed you for it. This might have been a trap to get out of the relationship.
You should have stood your ground that you will not drink, and he would not have had a way of accusing you. You were living his life but not your own. You need to continue living your life even in a relationship to preserve your esteem.
On the break-up, you need to accept it. Most breakups are not accidental but a well-calculated plan. This means that your boyfriend had arranged it prior and begging him to come back will only hurt you more. You need to move on even if it is the last thing you want to do. You sound devastated that he dumped you on the day that he was supposed to love you (Valentine's Day). Though painful, you need to accept and move towards healing. Restructure your self-esteem especially through connecting with friends and family who will give you a shoulder to lean on.
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