Does boozing help you last longer in bed?

I was invited to the Men’s Conference last Friday night. As you may have read earlier, members admitted me to their ranks a month ago and passed a resolution that I would be attending meetings when matters touching on sex and intimacy are to be discussed. The Men’s Conference is the male version of Chama, the women’s social welfare group, which I also grace.

Unlike Chama which holds its meetings in broad daylight on Saturdays, the Men’s Conference happens mostly on Fridays from 6 pm. There is no defined ending time members walk in and out at their leisure without alerting the chairperson. The meeting stops when numbers are below the quorum which is 10 people and even then, some members stay on into the wee hours of the morning having a good time – alcohol, nyama choma, and dancing.

“We have been told that if you take alcohol you can last long in bed,” the chairperson said in starting the meeting, “can you tell us the alcohol brands that work best and how much one should drink for maximum effect?” There was applause and shouts from members, each insisting that their drink was the best. Members were already imbibing as soft Congolese music played in the background. Waiters were on hand refilling drinks and there were a few tables with members enjoying steaming nyama choma. 

“Why do you want to last long in bed, is it not okay to just last the normal time?” I asked.

“What about those who climax before the action?” a member asked.

“Yes, I know a man who is unable to get a woman to marry him because of premature ejaculation,” another member shared.

“I am the opposite of these men,” a member shared, “I can go on and on until my wife gives up then I stop without ejaculating.” There were murmurs of admiration in the group. For most men having a longer session is seen as desirable although it can be a disease.

The time men take during coitus is a global discussion in medicine that has led to several diagnoses being coined. A man who ejaculates before or within seconds of penetration has severe premature ejaculation (PE). Those who ejaculate within one to three minutes have moderate PE. Then some will go on and on and sometimes fail to ejaculate; their diagnosis is delayed ejaculation.

In all these ejaculation problems, the man feels that they have no control over the ejaculation. It comes when it comes and it cannot be stopped. In the case of delayed ejaculation, the desire is it have the ejaculation but it fails to come. The lack of control causes distress to the man as well as the sex partner. The man feels frustrated and helpless since the erection goes immediately after ejaculation. The woman is left ‘hanging’ and may get upset. Many couples lose desire as a natural response to these situations. The relationship becomes sexless.

“This thing can cause divorce,” a member claimed, “if you keep firing out and going flat soon after, a woman can sue you for denying her conjugal rights; just open the dictionary and find out the meaning of ‘to conjugate’, it does not mean spraying stuff on top, you must fix yourself before pulling the trigger, my friend,” he continued as everyone burst out laughing.

“What causes these problems, I think witchcraft is real here,” another member shouted.

Ejaculation problems, whether premature or delayed, can be lifelong; some people are born with it and experience the problem in life. This is as opposed to secondary ejaculatory problems that start later in life and are normally a result of another medical problem: hormonal, nerve, blood system, or even psychiatric/psychological. Sometimes when people have lost emotional connection in their relationships they can also get ejaculation problems.

“My mind is not in the state of absorbing biology anymore, sir, just tell us which beer prolongs sex, that’s it,” a member interjected in slurred speech. He was already tipsy.

Unfortunately, alcohol is not the treatment for ejaculatory problems. Given the many types and causes of ejaculatory problems, a full assessment by a doctor is necessary to be able to have the ejaculation problem classified. The cause of the problem also has to be determined. It is only after that that appropriate treatment can be prescribed.

I noticed that a few members were dosing. It was approaching 10 pm and the effect of a full stomach combined with alcohol was beginning to take a toll. It was time to stop. 

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