'This is what we wish women knew about us'

Men's and women's needs are said to be worlds apart when it comes to relationships. Knowing what your partner wants from you is one of the most effective tools for creating stronger a bond and relationship.

According to Dr. Susan Gitau a counseling psychologist, whereas women thrive well in a relationship when they are loved and cherished, men are motivated when they feel needed through respect and admiration. 

In an attempt to understand men's needs, we pooled seven men.

‘We don't like to tell you we love you, we would rather show you’

James Karani, 38, a banker, married for 10 years 

"I love demonstrating love to my wife instead of verbalising it. During our first years of marriage, my wife would tell me how much she loves me and I couldn't do the same.

There are times my wife would complain, 'you no longer tell me you love me' and I would wonder what she meant as I felt my action demonstrated that. When a man loves you, he is going to do more than just saying he loves you, so watch out how the man treats you."

'Beauty yes, but brains too'

Andrew Omondi, 47, businessman, married for 23 years

"Before I met my wife, I was in a relationship and I could tell it was not headed anywhere because, for men, brains and beauty come hand in hand. At first, I was attracted to my ex's beauty but I realised she was not the woman I wanted to spend my life with.

When I finally met my wife, her beauty and brain was a big turn-on for me and in one month, I knew this was the woman I wanted to spend my life with."

'We bond well through activities not emotions'

Antony Francis, 39, A businessman, married for 10 years

"I bond with my wife more when we engage in activities we love doing such as watching a movie, playing games, or traveling. As men, we value physical intimacy which increases the bond we have with our partner. Also, we don't operate well on emotions and that's why we will never understand when a woman cries especially amid conflict. We love dealing with facts and solving things logically."

'A man knows he will marry you, the first time he converses with you'

Daniel Otieno, 37, Journalist, married for six years

"When I met my wife, I knew she was the one. As men, we know the woman to keep and we will do anything to protect her. I had dated several women in the past and my heart was not contented, but after meeting my wife, I had so much peace and assurance that I never wasted any time with her. Within the first six months, I had already proposed to her. I would advise women to carry themselves with dignity and never allow any man to use them for their selfish gains. The first conversation we have with a woman tells us a lot about her. Do not allow any man to waste time dating you for years without communicating his intention for the relationship." 

'We have emotions and sometimes we cry'

John Njoroge, 30, Sales representative, single

"I hope to settle down in the future. I wish women would know that men too have emotions and sometimes we break down and don't know what to do. In such moments, we long for someone to listen, understand, and support us by assuring us that everything will be okay.

Society has created a misconception that men are strong and should never cry or show their emotions. But there are times we cry, talk to ourselves, and whisper a prayer for things to be better. Support your man and encourage him as this provides them with the greatest support system."

'You cannot change a grown man that's God's business'

Willie Kinyash, 37, Relationship coach and a Counselor, married for 10 years 

"This is an interesting subject and we need such forums to speak about men matters. Now, some women think that they can change the man once they get married. Unfortunately, they ignore any red flag in the relationship and eventually things end up turning from bad to worse.

No matter how much you love a man, you can never control or force them to change. I wish women would love themselves so much to walk away from any relationship that is not adding value to them.

There is no perfect relationship but that does not mean you compromise your happiness to make someone else happy. Go for what makes you happy and only pay the cost if it's worth it. Walking out on any toxic relationship is not giving up rather it is self-love and self-worth." 

'The man's greatest need is peace and respect'

James Kyengo, 48, Businessman, divorced

"As a divorcee, I regret that my marriage never worked out. A man will thrive well when he is respected and nurtured. Though many think sex is the most utmost need that we men need, you cannot equate it with respect. When you respect your man, he will do anything for you.

No matter how empowered a woman is, she needs to respect the man and allow him to take his role in the family. A man wants to feel respected the same way you want to feel loved."

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