What you need to know:
- My husband loved to keep his hair shaved, now he's been saying he wants to grow dreadlocks
- The man who couldn't stand men wearing sagging trousers now wears tight ones
What do you do when your husband becomes all the things he said he hated when you were dating? My husband loved to keep his hair shaved, now he's been saying he wants to grow dreadlocks. The man who couldn't stand men wearing sagging trousers now wears tight ones and has pierced one of his ears. Is this a phase or I'm I losing him? Rita
My take is your husband is going through an identity crisis attributed probably to the monotony in your marriage or onset of midlife or probably an attempt to measure up with a new partner (not necessarily of the opposite sex).
I would suggest you stop overthinking and avoid being overly critical. Give him time, go along with the direction the fad is taking him and soon you shall be able to unveil the truth.
I don't see any evil in wearing tight trousers and men piercing their ears. This is the 21st century and people want to be themselves. Some people may associate the current trend in fashion with immorality, but it is not. However, it depends on your belief system and that of those around you, but keep in mind that fashion is very dynamic and your partner may not want to be left behind.
Cyrus Bonyinyo, Girango
Apart from the character and personality, physical looks can make us be attracted to our lovers. As much as I normally tell partners to live room for adjustments to accommodate the changes that would come, your husband's behaviour is absurd. I expect him to grow up. The change in your husband could signal he is gay. I advise you to investigate, quickly sweet talk him, and remind him of your likes.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Botwa, Kitale
Sister, love does not have to conform to your likes to show that you have a great relationship. The earrings, and sagging trousers, are not a sign that he is not being responsible in marriage. Talk to him, to understand his new outlook. Do not force him to stop. After all, a person should be seen not through his dress sense but his manners.
Simon Gathogo Maina, Kabete National Polytechnic
In your write-up, there seems to be a question of your husband's sexual orientation based on your implied notion that you are losing him. Humans evolve with age, what did not make sense or may not have appealed once upon a time may be of interest in years to come. Whether you call it a phase or something else, what matters is your union despite his new direction. If things between you are still good and harmonious then perhaps it is better to accommodate him than spoil the broth with unnecessary worries. Unless your husband has said that he is not happy and plans to leave, there should be no need for alarm. Be his support system so that you are in the storm's eye where you can assess his changes up front and personally.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK'S DILEMMA
I was dating my boyfriend for three years. At one time he went for a working seminar that took four days, and during those days my gut feeling told me everything was not right with him. We had had an angry conversation about us not communicating frequently, just a few days before but we solved the issue before his trip. However, while he was away he wasn't communicating even after I reached out to him. When he came back home he brought me a gift, but I felt like the gift was meant to hide a lie. Our communication became worse, and now we don't talk anymore. I've started feeling good about myself and confident, because while we were dating it was all about him. He would only talk about his dreams and plans. By then, I was job hunting, so I was happy about his goals because I was part of them. I was cocooned in all his dreams. My dreams were nothing compared to his, and we had to do things his way.
I've started a small side hustle and I'm feeling good about myself. I don't feel grounded anymore and I'm happy we are not talking but I miss him. I have never loved anyone as I loved him. Am I doing the wrong thing or what should I do?
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