Her Take: Maybe you should talk to someone

Early this year, I was briefly introduced to the waiting area of a police station in Nairobi. It was neither my finest nor my favourite hour – this particular brush with the law caused me quite a bit of mental anguish, all because someone wanted a bribe. I remember thinking in the middle of the ordeal, “man, how am I going to describe this to my therapist?”

The reason this was a strange thing to say is I don’t even have a therapist for which that scenario could play out. For some reason, I was visualising how I would describe what was happening to me that night, the psychological to-do, to a non-existent therapist. Maybe it was my writer’s mind, already ready to cannibalise my experience into a good story. Maybe it was me reacting in the throes of panic, trying to promise myself that I would make it out alive, and realising that what I was going through at that very moment would need some sort of release; which at that time, looked to me like therapy.

Not a lot of people, Kenyans in particular, agree with the idea of therapy. It’s hard for people to wrap their heads around: the thought of telling your innermost thoughts and feelings to someone who doesn’t know you and who the only context they have for your life is that which you give them, revealed from their probing questions. And heaven forbid you get a judgy one or a fundamentally religious one who only gives you Bible verses instead of useful exercises. Therapy is such an alien concept. Every time someone says they’re in therapy, people look at them like they’re plum crazy, or secretly deeply troubled – which makes it even worse for people to express that they need it when they do. Somehow, we all assume that everyone has the tools, or the friends, to help them sort through their life issues.

And that simply isn’t the case. If I’m being honest, I truly think everyone needs therapy – not because of traumatizing situations, but before, after, and during them. It’s a way to figure out what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, like a life coach for your mind, from someone who has no stake in it but to help you see yourself more clearly. We can’t only make sure our minds are serviced when they’re run down – there needs to be some work done before we get to the point where we are, to continue the analogy, no longer roadworthy.

Talking to strangers is hard, but in the long run, not talking to anyone at all sounds harder. And yes, therapy is not the end for all of life’s problems – some people are just better at self-soothing, at figuring out their own paths. But that isn’t the majority. I think there needs to be some kind of concerted push for people to sort through their problems with a professional – because we’re clearly not doing it on our own! Every time someone says ‘oh, she has daddy issues’, I think to myself that the person in question probably doesn’t understand that everyone has daddy – and mommy – issues. Women are usually the ones accused of such, and in my experience, men are the ones who are usually suffering from daddy issues more. Another common phrase: he’s scared of commitment. Is he? What’s the real story there? Maybe he should talk to someone to figure out his attachment style and do some work on himself.

It’s a scary thing, to face your own demons and admit your own flaws. But these are skills we need to master as we progress further into adulthood – for ourselves, for the relationships we have with the people around us, and for the people, we hope to be in the future. Going to therapy isn’t weak, or cowardly – it’s actually one of the bravest things someone can do for themselves.

Feedback: [email protected]