Njue: Why casual relationships are bad for you

Marriages, like thunder and lightning, are created in heaven.

When referring to things that don’t appear to be what one would expect, especially from an insider’s perspective, a prevalent expression that has been trending is “vitu kwa ground ni different.” (Things are different on the ground).

As unfortunate as it is, the institution that was founded for a worthy cause has been exploited.

It is now socially acceptable for young men and women to cohabit, living as married couples on learning institution campuses and other social settings.

Premature exits 

Other than the lack of maturity required to take on such obligations associated with this institution, the bad aspect of such an arrangement is a lack of dedication because many things are not specified or defined.

This, in itself, makes such people prone to premature exits because, “if the shoe doesn’t fit, let me get another one”.

This is a bleak image that we witness in our culture; the number of uncommitted couples has climbed dramatically.

Divorce cases are common in the courts, so legally married couples are not left out. The number of single and co-parenting parents is steadily increasing.

Despite testimonials of disastrous relationships, many have refused to learn.

Blind love is such a powerful force that it eventually leads to tragedy.

Young men will casually live with a woman hoping that she will never change, while women will hope that he will.

Casual sex 

Casual sex is the norm these days, and many unmarried couples desire to marry as a result.

Casual sex is commonly associated with shame, embarrassment, and a lack of respect, and it is a significant contributor to serious performance concerns, which can compound family problems. Premarital sex is linked to less stable and happy marriages than couples who wait until the wedding night to have sex.

Men and women who slept with other people before marrying reported poorer marital satisfaction than those who slept exclusively with each other after marriage.

Do not let a moment’s pleasure create irreversible harm to your life’s course.

I strongly advise couples not to veer off course in a relationship if they have not already selected where they want to go. Cohabiting couples are more likely to have a failed family than a pair in a formal union.

A failed marriage or relationship can bring a great deal of anguish and distress.

A failing marriage can elicit strong emotions in a family, and children are no exception.

This shift may evoke feelings of betrayal, fury, uncertainty, worry, and a range of other emotions.

As a result of a failed marriage, children may be overwhelmed and emotionally sensitive.

According to some studies, children from divorced households are two to three times more likely to divorce than non-divorced families.

While these are some of the potential repercussions of divorce on children, they are far from conclusive or inflexible.

I frequently heard courting singles say, “I imagined he’d change after we married.”

This is sometimes done to address issues such as adultery. In other cases, it’s because of personality faults like selfishness or a lack of empathy. If you don’t like something about your companion, don’t commit to them until their behaviour changes.

This must be evaluated throughout time to confirm that the change is not only temporary. Love is blind, but it should help you see further.

Marriage intensifies problems; it does not solve them. It is unjust to commit to someone and then expect them to change- accept or reject, but do not waver between the two.

If you’re married and going through a difficult time, I’d advise you to be patient with each other, even in the areas where you appear to be having the most trouble.

Crises can either strengthen or damage a marriage. Be patient and willing to work through the challenges, knowing that it will lead to better times in the long term.

No problem cannot be solved if forgiveness and a willing heart are present.

If you’re contemplating reconciliation, be honest with yourself about your partner’s habits and what you can live with. Rather than attempting to change them, focus on transforming yourself.

Divorce should only be considered as a last resort, and if it is required, be honest with yourself.

Instead of blaming others, consider where you might improve.

If children are around, be frank and honest about what is going on. Protect your children by not immersing them in excessive drama or dragging them into your difficulties.

Finally, children must learn that regardless of the disagreements in marriages, the love that their parents have for them is consistent and constant.