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Help! My husband baby-trapped me

babies

Stuck in an unfulfilling relationship, doing it all alone? It may be time to focus on healing, self-discovery and taking control of your future.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

I'm 29, married, and have three children. We had our first child in 2018, in my fourth year at the university. We got engaged in 2019 and wedded in 2022. By then, I had gotten my second child.
My husband works in Mombasa. Now the problem is that this man doesn't even bother to call and check in with us. He can take even one month in silence unless I call him. I have tried to talk to him about the same but no change. I've told his parents but no change either.
The second problem is that this man doesn't provide at all. I was the one paying fees until his parents pressured him at my request. I cater for all the bills in the house as well. Please advise.


Society lays one trap for women, and unfortunately, they keep falling for it in masses. Society wants to make every young woman a single mother to cut down her freedom and possibly steal her destiny.

The society gets ‘disturbed’ to see a woman walking around in one piece and building her life. There's a real possibility that she might evolve into someone who cannot be manipulated or controlled.

There is a real fear that she has an independent mind and dreams of her own. What if she goes after the better life and gets it? If she gets rich in substance and relationships, how will she ever be tamed?

As a result, this culture bombards every young woman with pressure to get a man quickly, get married before twenty-five, get babies before thirty, and so forth.

Due to this trap, many women reach their fifties while managing the mistakes they made in their twenties. Because they have no concept of destiny and the path of life to which they were born, they don't realise what they've just lost. Be careful that you don't join this group.

Naturally, stepping into the university should have prompted you to self-discover and take the time to face the world by yourself.

You'd have discovered how thousands upon thousands of students sacrifice their potential on the altar of ill-timed romantic relationships. You'd have been hit by the realisation that the whole frenzy to get someone while on campus is a baseless group-think.

There are three things every young person must do or else they'll pay dearly for neglecting them. Healing, self-discovery, and creating a vision for their life.

One must heal from all past psychological pains and free oneself from all the false identities one had picked along the way.

They must also discover who they are and the natural resources they possess, like talents and passions.
Lastly, they need to design their ideal life and develop a pathway to achieving it.

These three things must precede any attempt at dating or marrying, or else the marriage will become a poorly placed old patch on a new garment.

Your only solution now is to wake up and stop digging yourself further into this ditch.

Exit this mental hypnosis that you got yourself into in your early twenties. Recall your voice of reason.

This man is either unwilling or unable to play his role as a husband to you and a present father to your kids.

The writing was on the wall from the beginning, but you couldn't tolerate such unpleasant truth.

That wedding was just a bandage. Adding more children to such an unstable and unavailable man was another blunder.

You should take a break and heal. Process your losses in therapy, and forgive yourself for the way you've let yourself down.

You were young and impulsive then and highly influenced by your environment. But now you're grown and alone.

These children deserve one healed and healthy parent, at least, and that will have to be you.

Enlist the help of law enforcement and attach his salary to pay his dues in children's upkeep if you can, or brace and do everything by yourself if that's more peaceful and practical.

Good luck!