Painful lessons learnt from a failed first campus love affair

BY DUKE NYANKABARIA

Exactly two years ago, Sam and I separately encountered debilitating, extremely emotional breakups that nearly broke us. We had both been dumped by our first true lovers! Sam had dated for a year while I had known my girlfriend for only three months. So, obviously, Sam was doubly ruined since he had invested much more time, emotions and resources. That is not to say I wasn’t affected.

Because campus is campus, breakups among students are inevitable. You are bound to part ways with your student partner at some point. This is the rule. However, I have observed that campus girls usually carry on as if nothing happened. But we, men? We take those heartbreaks to heart, mostly because they are usually the first in our dating lives.

When a woman leaves you, it often comes as an indication, nay, a confirmation, of your inadequacy in terms of finances, intelligence, and even emotional maturity. It crushes one's ego, hurts one's pride, and negatively impacts one's self-esteem. What an evil distraction. It takes great fortitude to bounce back.  

During that difficult period, Sam and I never tried to act tough. We opened up fully. As we ate sour grapes, we had a moment where we lashed out at the women in our lives, past and present. It was beneficial to the heart, and it did lessen the pain.

Since our two women had already began new relationships with other males on our campus, who were truly our friends, we were tormented by their ghosts for the rest of the semester. It is never funny to witness your girlfriend spending the night in a room in your hall of residence, like Sam did, or to see her strolling around with your male classmate all the time. It hurt a lot.
When things got too much for Sam to bear, he moved from our hostel, but we still remained friends. The girls were kind enough to say hello and call every now and then, but we had learnt our lessons the hard way. Truly, there is no greater teacher than experience.

Me? My ex-girlfriend had accused me of being constantly busy and never making time for her. Perhaps I was guilty as charged, but I feel there was more to it, and I hope she will tell me the full story soon. I bore my scars with grace, but I can’t say the same for Sam. I have never seen a brother in so much pain. He had been enjoying the most blissful relationship, born of childhood trust and loyalty. I had warned him about that, but don’t we all do that in our first relationships before we meet reality with all its ugly monstrosities.

Maybe Sam was naïve or perhaps he was unaware that life is a series of disappointments. How often do you witness a nice lady committing her heart to a man who abuses her and causes her to despise men for the rest of her life? How often do you see guys with excellent intentions get dumped by women in whom they have invested their all?

Love is the riskiest venture. You devote your heart and body to someone, then they ditch you after using you. Men take advantage of women. Women take advantage of men. It all comes down to who is on the receiving end at the end of the day.  Here is to the solid hope that we will all learn that sometimes, those we love so much can let us down. 

Duke is a third year student of political science at Moi University ([email protected])