What you need to know:
- A man is as attractive as his circumstances allow, so don’t ever be bothered by appearances.
- If you are tall, you have already spared yourself some trouble. Campus ladies will embrace you.
- If you are short, go to the gym and dress elegantly. If you're neither, get a lot of money.
- Money, according to the experts in my head, has the same biological effect on women as attractiveness, comedy, intellect, and everything else.
For me, joining university was not an option, it was the only option. After a traumatic and tumultuous childhood and adolescence, a university education was just what I needed. After living under my parents’ supervision throughout my life, I needed a space to call my own. I needed freedom as a reward for enduring four years of oppression in high school.
But that is beside the point. Today I want to talk to freshaz. Dear freshmen, I hope you know that campo is the best place you could possibly be. You have everything you'll ever need – gorgeous girls, handsome men, water, electricity, and an education that will certainly transform you into a full, civil, informed, and educated citizen. However, your social life is just as important as your academic life. Here are a few tips on how to ace college life.
Helb is hell
This money is important, but science has proven that it cannot and will not last more than a week, unless you are a Kanyamkotho villager with zero needs except sukuma wiki, rice and beans. Helb money simply vanishes from your account. You will know the money has arrived when the seven perpetually broke idlers break the news on WhatsApp status. Always withdraw Sh2,000 first – that is always for liquor. After 18 hours, Sh6,000 is withdrawn to pay debts, or, as we say, to reduce it to manageable levels. If it is the first semester, the money is paid directly to the school account and in the second semester, the cash always reflects on Fridays. Don’t worry, this information will soon be useful.
But, please set some amount aside and at least buy an electronic device or something to hold on to because after three years, the chaps from Anniversary Towers will come calling.
Looks and impressions
A man is as attractive as his circumstances allow, so don’t ever be bothered by appearances. If you are tall, you have already spared yourself some trouble. Campus ladies will embrace you. If you are short, go to the gym and dress elegantly. If you're neither, get a lot of money. Money, according to the experts in my head, has the same biological effect on women as attractiveness, comedy, intellect, and everything else.
They're inescapable. The most difficult part is seeing your ex and her current going on a date. I mean, you’ll have to act as if nothing ever happened. Anyway, you will break some hearts and have your heart broken a few times. The most important thing is to learn to move on.
Weed, alcohol and drugs
In campus, people like to have fun. Female students aren't bothered by a puff, especially on a plotless Friday in the middle of the semester. The legal substances are not always bad, and addiction does not always occur quickly. If you’re bold enough, try them, but stay within safe limits. Also, don’t do it as second time!
I have never been in one long enough to write about it. See, I was dumped when I was a fresha because I was always busy. It was emotionally upsetting because it ended abruptly. Anyway, finding someone you care about with who you can share a blanket when it's cold and disclose intimate details is excellent for the heart. Generally, there are very few partnerships in campus that last long enough to inspire anything.
Duke is a third year student of Moi University, Eldoret ([email protected])