What you need to know:
- She has seen it all, Wilberforce. Deep, rasping voices no longer tickle her fancy and she’d rather listen to Mark Nyagwoka on radio than to your forced bass delivering sweet nothings.
- The ‘come we watch a movie series at my place’ clickbait no longer works with her.
- To get her attention, you’ll have to work three times harder.
The campus dating scene is hugely dynamic. As a Fresher, you will encounter millions of potential sole mates eager to walk on your untarmacked heart. Then in sophomore year, your value becomes unsteady due to high expectations and the natural passage of time. Interestingly, this hour glass is mostly identifiable among the gender whose love for chips and chicken goes hand in hand with the Queen’s love for bright coloured clothes. Third year rushes in so fast, more so for women, and the turbulence of this penultimate year almost often pushes girls to look for love outside college precincts. And here’s what you should know when dating such a woman.
The heart is for pumping blood
To her, love is a dog from hell. Every fiber of her being is feminist. Her heart has been broken into smithereens countless times by bad boys and like a crushed sugarcane, all sucrose has been squeezed out. The only thing she has feelings for is her ambitions. You feature nowhere in the grand scheme of things.
She knows all the tricks
She has seen it all, Wilberforce. Deep, rasping voices no longer tickle her fancy and she’d rather listen to Mark Nyagwoka on radio than to your forced bass delivering sweet nothings. The ‘come we watch a movie series at my place’ clickbait no longer works with her. To get her attention, you’ll have to work three times harder.
Older men and money matters
She has set her bar so high that your short stature just can’t reach. While you operate on a tight budget to survive the semester, she has enough money to start an online clothes business. The only thing that seems to gladden her heart is random Mpesa messages, not just affectionate names. Her pheromones have levitated to the paunches of Wababa, and unlike the younger students, she is not driven by dreams but by a sleek Mazda CX-5 whose Vrooms rival that of your empty tummy.
Reformed YOLO believer
She has been a party animal. Mwangi wa Wines knows her by name. Her spirit was once devoted to Mutura. Her ears have heard it all, because she has been flooding dance floors like a heavy down pour for three years now. But now, her antlers have been clipped by the wisdom of age and her idea of a vacation is a day of practicing self-love, held indoors.
Chances of her being a mum are as high those of seeing a torn sock on a middle aged man’s feet. She was bitten once, by a dead beat dad, so she is now more cautious of beguiling men like you.
Captain of a sinking ship of studies
Because she spent her first two years finding herself, dating the wrong men and ‘eating life’, her grades have taken a beating and she is running out of time to make amends. Her transcripts are an eyesore, just like a comrade’s Mpesa balance. It has now hit her that she needs to be attracted to books like a worker bee, not a queen bee, so don’t be surprised if she sees you as a distraction.
Thomas Bosire is a third year student at Moi UnIversity.