Campus Whispers: If it quacks like a Fourth Year…

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What you need to know:

  • I had been in her company that evening they met.


  • We were huddled up in a kibanda having supper, her forehead bent up over burnt beans and thin chapatis, when her friend tapped on her shoulder alerting her to the crime that was about to happen.


  • In walked this guy, a crossbreed of Nick Mutuma and Pascal Tokodi, with a distinct waddle to his walk and a conspicuous sense of style.

A must-have component in the starter pack for winning a campus girl is to be in third or fourth year. Times have changed. You no longer need to be tall, dark and handsome, you just need to exhibit maturity and have a beard. I am thinking about my stunted beard when Nicole appears at my door. I've been her low budget savior for months now. My big ears always have appetite for her worries, most of which are sponsored by her boyfriend.

Today, her glowing face is replaced by a distant, cold glance. She has on these Oraimo ear pods that I’m sure are blaring the Kipetero Kiyesu jam. She takes a seat on my tiny bed. I don’t own any chair. She proceeds to say with no preamble that Solomon has dumped her. The fantasy she had built on Solo’s heart now seemed vague, not shiny like the sufurias she had scrubbed in his bedsitter.

I had been in her company that evening they met. We were huddled up in a kibanda having supper, her forehead bent up over burnt beans and thin chapatis, when her friend tapped on her shoulder alerting her to the crime that was about to happen. In walked this guy, a crossbreed of Nick Mutuma and Pascal Tokodi, with a distinct waddle to his walk and a conspicuous sense of style. If falling in love at the first impression was a crime, the public court would have declared her guilty. But because the fairer gender would rather die than approach the other gender, Nicole stayed glued to her seat.

Cupid always makes a way so the following week, she bumped into him in the Academic Highway and this boy, Solomon, made the move. A series of meetings ensued during which she learnt that Solo was in fourth year. How could she turn down Solomon, a man who once asked for wisdom instead of riches? Who doesn’t want to be cajoled to dance to the Songs of Solomon? 

Six months of bliss later, she could feel the breakup coming. Solomon had graduated in December but he promised Nicole that their relationship would remain stronger than Doshi Steel. They grappled with the difficulties of long distance relationships until one day, Solomon posted a picture of his wife. It was not her.

I am handing Nicole a handkerchief as her tears drench my bedsheet. She says she feels like a widow and life has lost its thrill. Girls, if it looks like a fourth year, swims like a fourth year and quacks like a fourth year, then it will certainly leave you high and dry.

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