We’ve perfected the art of saying No without saying so
There are many ways we adults have perfected the art of saying ‘No’ without actually saying it.
What you need to know:
- It is true that children learn through observing, monkey see, monkey do, it is said
My two-and-a-half-year-old son has formed the habit of saying “Saa ingine” or “Kesho” when you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to. For instance, you will hand him a cup of milk, but if he doesn’t want to drink it, he’ll ignore the cup and say, “Kesho”, then continue doing whatever it is he was doing. Or you’ll tell him that it’s time to take a bath, but if what he’s doing is interesting, he’ll quip, “Saa ingine.”
When that habit began, I wondered where he had learnt those very adult dismissive words until it occurred to me that I use them sometimes when I have no intention of doing something. In fact, I have used these very words with my children many times, including the youngest one up there. For instance, a couple of times, he has asked me to buy him a sweet or soda, but rather than say ‘No’, I simply say “kesho” or “Saa ingine”, which seems to satisfy. Or so I thought.
Negative impact
It is true that children learn through observing, monkey see, monkey do, it is said. Obviously, my use of these words has had a somewhat negative impact because he now believes that saying these words should save him from doing what he is expected to do.
I, therefore, have to wean myself off them because this is the only way that my son will stop using them and actually do what he is asked to do without protesting.
There are many ways we adults have perfected the art of saying ‘No’ without actually saying it. Take the phrase “We’ll see”, for instance. Many of us say this when we know that we’re unable to fulfil a request and don’t intend to pursue the matter further. Also, how many times have you told someone, “Tutaongea…” knowing very well that you have no intention of calling that person again, revisiting the conversation, and even hope that you never have to see him or her again?
Ambiguous phrase
Also, how many times have you actually got back to someone that you promised, “I’ll get back”? This, I believe, is the most abused phrase, and most people that utter it don’t act on it. It doesn’t say when you will ‘get’ back and how you will ‘get’ back, for instance, will call, email, send an SMS or ‘get’ back via WhatsApp or Telegram? It is an ambiguous phrase that loosely hangs in the air with a promise that is not to be believed.
Not only that, did you really have an intention of leaving ‘something small’ to that man at the parking lot who waved you off your parking slot when he extended his hand and said, “Wacha ya chai buuda,” only for you to say, “Kesho” before driving away? I mean, what are the chances that you’ll park there the next day?
Of course, that Kesho will never come. Oh well, one could argue that these words, though misleading, soften the sharpness of an outright “No”, they are more palatable, easier to take in, even though the person they are uttered to knows very well that their request has been rejected.
