Waning marriage? The cure is talking, touching


The romance fades away under all the endless career pressures, your hectic social lives, and looking after the children.

Photo credit: Samuel Muigai | Nation Media Group

Marriage is still a very good idea, despite all the cynical things you hear said about it.

That’s because happily married couples support and look after one another. So, they are healthier, wealthier, and live longer than singles. It’s also one of life’s great joys to be with someone who truly lets you be your real self.

And who always encourages you. And who knows you so well you can exchange secret messages with just a glance. And who’s always there for you when you want to be intimate.

But all too soon, couples start taking each other for granted. The romance fades away under all the endless career pressures, your hectic social lives, and looking after the children. Until, somehow, neither of you is making an effort any more.

So, say “I love you” far more often. It’s easy to think the words are unnecessary between well-established couples. But every spouse needs to hear that they’re loved and cherished.


And never stop paying attention to your appearance. Watch your diet, exercise, and show your spouse that they matter by taking good care of yourself.

It’s also easy to get into the habit of constantly complaining about one another. Instead, try telling your partner what it is about them that pleases you. Whether it’s how hard they work, their smile, or their sarcasm!

And make time to be alone together, undisturbed by your children, your extended family, work or social media. As little as half an hour a day will make all the difference. So, organise your diaries and your children’s schedules, cuddle up alone together, and share your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams and deepest secrets.

Remind each other of the story of your life together. Is there a special spot where you used to hang out? A restaurant where you first realised you two were an item? How long has it been since you’ve been back to those places? Add new places to the ones you already have, and develop new ways to be romantic.

Hold hands

For example, learn to touch each other again. Wives especially complain that their husbands only touch them as part of sex. So, don’t wait for bedtime. Make touching part of the way you communicate, every day, like you did when you were first together.

Because gentle, sexy touching deepens the attachment between you. Hold hands, kiss, and sit close. And make sure that your hugs last a little longer. It’ll make you a much happier couple.

Make a point of being sexy together. Let your fantasies run wild, and don’t complain that your spouse disappoints you in the bedroom if you’ve never actually told them what you want!

So tell each other exactly what you’d like, be adventurous, and try anything at least once, because novelty really matters. So be imaginative, and drop broad hints that there’s going to be a “surprise” after the children are asleep. The anticipation will do wonders for both of you!


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