Small talk: Start talking, it makes huge difference
Starting a conversation with someone new can feel scary.
Do it many times...because the more conversations you have, the more likely you are to meet someone you like
Starting a conversation with someone new can feel scary. But it isn’t. Just pitch your voice warm and low and make some sort of vague impersonal comment that’s also a question: ‘Good band, isn’t it?’ Inviting a reply, but not too demanding.
Everyone knows it’s a conversation starter and if you’re the one responding just match the mood to say you’re up for it. Or don’t of course, if you’re not interested. Don’t worry if you don’t make much sense, nobody will notice. Just make your reply another question, a bit longer than the opener: ‘Yes, they’re great, aren’t they?’
Introduce yourselves and enjoy the conversation. Have no expectations beyond a genuine interest in everyone you meet. Don’t try to make an impression, just quietly keep building up the connection. Because once things start going backwards, everything stops.
Start with enquiries about their work, studies, background, likes, dislikes and so on. If you’re romantically inclined, slipping in a cheeky question like ‘And what does your husband/wife do?’ will straight-away establish whether they have one! You also need to disclose things about yourself, or the whole conversation will sound like a third degree.
So, whenever your partner discloses something, no matter what, you should straight-way reveal something similar about yourself. Avoid getting too far ahead or revealing too little, and follow up on their answers, without probing too deeply. Everyone loves talking about themselves so the conversation will go well. And they’ll end up telling everyone how interesting you are.
And with a little practice it’s huge fun. So do it lots! Because the more conversations you have, the more likely you are to meet someone you like.
Open ended questions and a humorous turn of phrase help things along. But avoid jokes, slang, talking about your problems or expressing too little emotion. Show you’re interested by making good eye contact, smiling and leaning forward. A few nods also make a big difference!
Small talk like this is a great way to get a date. But only go further with someone who exactly matches your interests and values. The rest won’t even have realised what you’re up to. Get rid of them by saying something like: ‘Well that was nice, we must talk again sometime…’ Meaning you’ll never speak again!
But if you do want to pursue the relationship, simply be straight about your intentions. Guys should just make a clear request: ‘Perhaps we could meet again, can I have your number’? A woman can say something like ‘Maybe we could have a drink sometime? Here’s my number.’ Now he knows you’re interested, but still has to take the initiative to see you again!
Make your next few encounters short coffee dates and quickly lose interest in anyone who shows the slightest signs of anger, insecurity, or anything even faintly weird. That way you’ll avoid starting relationships that will lead nowhere.
After which you can safely fall in love with any of the others!
