Shy? How you can still navigate life like a boss
If you’re shy, maybe you had fewer opportunities to learn the skills, or perhaps you’re just taking longer.
It’s completely normal to feel shy or nervous sometimes, especially if you’re young and still learning skills like making friends and dating. But for many, shyness is a real barrier, particularly with strangers, or someone of the opposite sex. It can make classrooms a nightmare. Or even the most relaxed parties or business meetings.
What makes things worse is that nowadays shyness is almost stigmatised. We’re expected to work in teams, and to display our people skills. Action, risk-taking and certainty are admired more than thought, uncertainty or caution. We’re convinced that a talker is smarter, more competent and attractive than someone who’s quiet.
Shy children
And if you’re shy, life is full of very real problems. Like introductions, going to parties, making friends or starting a relationship. But when you do get into an intimate relationship, you’ll be fine. Shyness is never a problem once you’re close. And despite the problems it creates, eventually even the shyest individuals do all find jobs, marry and have children. Just like everyone else.
You see shyness everywhere. Timid kids watching everything from their mothers’ laps, while tiny party animals are rushing around the room. Shy children are careful and perceptive, and learn by observing rather than doing. They also work more thoroughly, and are more accurate and conscientious. They also win more scholarships, for the simple reason that the more time kids spend socialising, the less time they spend learning.
Self-confidence isn’t inborn, it’s something we all have to learn. Most of us pick up the skills as youngsters. And it’s hard work! Do you remember how easily you could feel embarrassed as a teenager? But as we practise we become more confident. If you’re shy, maybe you had fewer opportunities to learn the skills, or perhaps you’re just taking longer.
Good company
The way to start overcoming shyness is by learning to replace your self-consciousness with self-awareness. Instead of worrying about taking part in a conversation, plan ahead to have something to say. Start small, by practising simple, friendly remarks with shopkeepers, for example. And try to find some voluntary work. As you become more focused on the lives of others you’ll find that your shyness will fade away.
Watch people interacting around you and learn from them. Be a good listener and genuinely interested in everyone you meet. People love talking about themselves, so ask them questions about their work and interests. After each answer, reveal something similar about yourself, and ask follow up questions. It’s a ready-made conversation.
I won’t pretend it’s easy, because getting over shyness is a bit like learning another language as an adult. You’ve got to consciously learn all the skills others picked up as kids. But you’re in good company, because most of us are actually a lot shyer than we care to admit. And constantly having to practise the skills we need to cope. So, it might be hard work, but you will succeed!
