My wife is pregnant and seems to hate me

My name is John. I have been married for two years and my wife and I are expecting a baby in three months. We were happy when she broke the good news to me. However, she just informed me that she is undergoing depression and anxiety after being hostile to me for quite a while.  Kindly advise on what to do.

READER’S ADVICE

It's normal for women to be moody while they’re expectant. This varies from one person to another. Tolerance is needed in such a scenario for it just takes some time. It shall be well.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Take it easy and understand that some pregnant women experience emotional changes due to the extra production of feminine hormones at this stage. Go with her to a professional therapist and both of you will learn coping mechanisms plus the accommodation of each other's temperament.  

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

One can easily know that you have no hard feelings towards her. During pregnancy, some women become moody and emotional. So bear with the situation, and treat her well. If the situation persists, kindly seek professional advice. This will help safeguard the welfare of both the child and the mother.

Wafula Meshack

Your wife is going through what is called " Kisirani '' stage in the Swahili language. This is a normal occurrence attributed to the hormonal changes in your wife's body. The situation is likely to persist well after the first birthday of the child. What you need is to be more understanding and cultivate patience—lots of it. 

 Drive Counseling Centre, Kitengela

EXPERT’S TAKE

Congratulations are in order. Your wife might be going through mood changes due to hormonal fluctuation because of pregnancy. There may be certain triggers and in my opinion, it would be good for her to consult a professional that will be better placed to help and ease her journey through pregnancy. Regardless of what she puts you through do not take it to heart because she is also not in control of her mood swings. As her partner try and be as supportive as possible so that you go through this phase together. Visit your doctor or local clinic where you will be referred to the person who will help her with her depression and anxiety. 

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My name is Steve. I’m 34, a health professional, and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two boys aged nine and seven. My wife graduated from a famous University but failed to secure a job for eight years. I suggested she goes back to school and pursue the same course as what I studied for, which she agreed to and I have been paying her school fees and her upkeep. I opted to stay with the children and raise them alone as I felt taking them to their grandpa or relatives wasn't a good idea (sikutaka kupea mtu mzigo).

My issue is that my wife has been rude since she went back to school to an extent of asking me, "kwani akikosa kuniambia goodnight, siwezi lala?" She rudely responds to my calls and texts telling me, “hii life bora pesa hizo vitu zingine mtu anaweza jitafutia.” I have been so stressed and recently I met a 24-year-old girl who had just completed her campus studies. I have told her my whole story and she's been so good to me. She is loving and caring to me and my boys. This is just part of the whole story. Please help. I feel emotionally conflicted though I still love my wife. 

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