Love letter from our hair to the Kenyan man

Although men love women with long hair, most women find managing natural hair tedious and prefer to relax it. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • Natural hair is fantastic. When it’s short. The longer it grows, the more consuming it becomes. It’s like a baby. If that woman you love opted out of the weave/braids/locks you hate, you would find her rather obsessed about her hair. Okay – a little more obsessive.

Dear Kenyan man. If, like me, you saw a brief clip on NTV the night of June 30 that said women are moving away from weaves to natural hair and you said hurrah! Finally!

Listen up. First off, what nonsense! What does that even mean? That the world is clearly defined along natural against woven lines? Weaves can be found on any woman’s head. Any Naturalista knows this.

All the hair-tossing celebrities admired for their looks from Tyra, Sanaa Laathan, Kelly Rowland, Beyonce to Rihanna, Nicki an entire host of black celebrities you wouldn’t know about because it’s not your world, wear weaves. This, of course, is not exactly a surprise to you. But, underneath that is previously beauty’s best kept secret - a thick head of kinky, curly, textured or nappy hair.
What you said

Ipsos Synovate released a poll on Wednesday. And here’s what you think about our hair - dreadlocks six per cent (natural), weaves nine per cent (could be relaxed or natural), braids 13 per cent, short hair 18 per cent (one inch, I’m thrilled that you love to see our lovely faces up close). Another 40 per cent of you prefer long hair which is really no surprise. Length is associated with femininity, fertility and youth, which explains why the 18 to 29 year olds dig it by 50 per cent.

The preference decreases over time, perhaps because both men and women realise a woman’s hair is her crowning glory and the bane of her existence, and are more forgiving of physical oddities and imperfections because they too have their own sins.

Like you, I’ve heard of MAWE (Men against Weaves) and this poll proves it, though you seem to have a greater distaste for locks, a look favoured by Naturalistas. Yet here is the contradiction.

Why do you think women wear weaves? Let’s see. How many memorable female characters with natural hair in any movie – as black as Soulfood to as white as Zero Dark Thirty do you remember as screen goddesses? One? Two? Any? What about music videos? The ones that don’t feature neo soul in general or Macy Gray in particular?

Let’s try TV series. Do you get my point? This is but part of why natural hair only ever comes out to play on vacation. That is why the international network of Naturalistas (Women Who Wear Their Hair Natural) collate data – such celebrity sightings are so rare it is unprecedented. And the celebrities know it too, which is why they are now boarding the Naturalista wagon and posting images of their natural selves on social media.

I realise you might not care about this degree of detail. But, the black community is now calling to question the black female celebrities and their hair choices. You should care because there is a dearth of Naturalista role models. Or, that said personalities are beginning to step up and talk about their hair.

Again, why should you care as a man? The problem is opinionated puritans such as yourself are getting bred. What you don’t understand about is your ready criticism and abysmal understanding of women and their complicated love-hate relationship with their hair has basically outlived your relationship with her, whatever the context of the relationship. I could raise our own internal issues with our hair, something that serves to flavor the stew of female beauty; but why discuss that? This is about you, so I’ll cut to the chase.

Natural hair is fantastic. When it’s short. The longer it grows, the more consuming it becomes. It’s like a baby. If that woman you love opted out of the weave/braids/locks you hate, you would find her rather obsessed about her hair. Okay – a little more obsessive.

It wouldn’t be her fault that she can’t jump into the pool without premeditation, go to bed without a care or hop into the shower with you.

She has to deal with shrinkage, products, breakage, styling, protective styling (an entirely separate animal), employers, other opinionated men, equally opinionated women and all of MAWE.

Besides, a really good weave that “looks nice,” costs an upwards of Sh40,000. For that money the woman will squeeze the shillings until they squeal. And, the longer her hair grows, the more her Sunday afternoons will be spent coaxing her hair and accumulating YouTube experiences.

There will be shelves of products, conversations about her hair, other women’s hair, what you think of her hair, what you really think of her hair and what you really, really think about her hair. She will not mean to. It is an endlessly fascinating topic to her. Expect to share that fascination.

If you have any daughters, prepare for a Chris Rock quest. You will have to explain to her, coherently and with the kind of detail reserved for birds and bees conversation, why her hair does not look like the True Love cover girl or Flotus and her daughters.

You might never learn to do matutas or cornrows, but you will learn that as much as a woman’s hair is deeply personal and your business with it should be kept to the barest minimum, it is obviously incredibly political and your business with it then becomes confusing.

What I mean is I haven’t always loved my hair. It is difficult, complex and there are days I want to walk into the barber shop and shave it. Many women have told me this. For some, their solution is relaxer. Others, braids, weaves or as you shudder, locks.

It would be easy to dismiss your opinion on this, but the truth, is that we care that you care about our hair. In conclusion, love your woman, love her untameable, uncontainable, unpredictable hair that feels nothing like it looks and looks nothing like it feels.

As Tracee Ellis Ross says – you wouldn’t know her but entire continents of women do – I assure you - “I love my hair because it’s big. I love my hair because it’s a reflection of my soul. It’s dense, it’s kinky, it’s soft, it’s difficult, it’s easy and it’s fun. That’s why I love my hair.” Now go love it/her back and see you at the next poll.