Introducing our school’s new Board of Management

Those of you with a little wisdom will know that a fish rots from the head downwards. This saying applies to people, homes and institutions. Like Mwisho wa Lami Primary School.

As you all know, the reason our school has struggled for the last few years is because we had a headmistress who should never have been in charge of anything in life, even herself.

I knew I had to change a lot of things in the school. But after my first Board of Management (BOM) meeting late last year, I realised that the board needed to be overhauled. I wonder where Bensouda got some of the members from.

The board was chaired by Lutta, a retired teacher who actually never retired, but was interdicted and fired over carnal knowledge. How he got into the board and even chaired it, I can’t understand.

Then there was Rasto. You all know Rasto, a senior drunkard at Hitler’s, and a man who is known for nothing particular other than drinking and abusing everyone after taking just one glass. And to imagine that he was the academic committee chair is sickening.

Two other board members came from neighbouring villages as Bensouda had complained that the board was made up only of Mwisho wa Lami people. There was a woman who we all know as the second wife of the assistant chief. She rarely attended BOM meetings, but always demanded that her sitting allowance be sent to her via M-Pesa.

I refused to pay her last December and got into lot of trouble.

“Madam, it is called sitting allowance, you get it after sitting in a board meeting,” I told her.

She told me that as a board member, she was entitled to the allowance; whether she attended a meeting or not.

“Now I understand why Madam Skastina warned us about you!” She told me.

The other member was the person who supplied books, stationery and building materials to the school. Sources closer to the source indicated that he was Bensouda’s boyfriend.

The only member I would consider in my board is Apostle Elkana. Despite his visible shortcomings, he means well for the school, even if he has no idea how to go about it. He is a man I could mould and direct to be of spiritual value to the school.

After that first BOM meeting, I decided there and then that I would have to appoint a new board.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing my proposed BOM for the next three years, a BOM that will work hard to make Mwisho wa Lami Primary the pride of this region.

Chairman: Hitler Masese. If you do not know Hitler, then you do not know Mwisho wa Lami. Hitler is a renowned, entrepreneur and venture-capitalist in the alco-beverage sector, where he uses titration and other chemical combinations to distil the much loved drinks. He also exports his famed drinks to other villages, thus earning Mwisho wa Lami the much needed forex.

Hitler may not have been educated a lot, but most of his children went to school. One is a teacher, another a prison warden, while two work in Nairobi in big companies. Hitler therefore knows  the  importance of education, and he will thus make a great chairman of the BOM.

Nyayo Mobutu: Long before the word Hustler became a common term, Nyayo was already one. He is serial hustler who can truly be described as a jack of all trades. He has extensive interests in boda boda riding, bicycle repairs, light gold mining, deep toilet digging, termite catching, fox hunting and quails trapping.

Were it not for the early death of his father, Nyayo would have gone far academically, so he is someone who is pedagogically relevant.

Reverend Overseer Apostle Manasseh Elkana: Ever since he appointed his church the sponsor of the school, he is always around for functions, especially when he knows he can collect some sadaka. He will now serve as the guidance and counselling lead.

Anindo: Anindo is fairly well educated for she was in Form Two when she met Nyayo, got pregnant and eloped with him. Her dream is to go back to school and complete high school. If anything, Anindo will ensue that girls do not drop out of school like she did. 

Alphayo: He is a retired Kenya Railways Senior Grade II Technician and a walking dictionary in matters train mechanics. . Before joining Kenya Railways, Alphayo was a renowned gardener and cook in Molo and Limuru farms, where he was respected by many.

Fiolina: I am seriously considering Fiolina to also join the board. As an employee of a big company in Kakamega, I believe she will be a great asset to the school, who will challenge us, and give us a corporate look and feel. I am yet to make up my mind on this.

I am, however, aware that some enemies of development may oppose such a meritocratic appointment. Where were such people when Rosario María Murillo Zambrana, the wife of President Daniel Ortega of Nicaragua, was appointed Vice President?

We still need two more board members. You must be well educated, of stellar thinking, unquestionable moral standards, with a good understanding of Kenyan contextual and contemporary pedagogy, and must possess a university degree in a relevant field. Ability to speak and write Spanish and/or German will be an added advantage; while being female will give you a head start, or may just lead to automatic appointment.

Other than tidy sitting allowance, there is no salary, but the successful candidate will be considered for lucrative tenders including toilet digging, fencing the school, gate repairs, supply of firewood and even supply of pens and or masks. If interested, please send your resume (not CV) to [email protected]. 

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