What you need to know:
I have tried to discuss the issue with her and all she says is ‘Siku hizi uko na tumambo’ (you have issues nowadays).
I am in a long-distance relationship; I work abroad while my queen is in Kenya, and I don’t understand her anymore. Things changed. When we talk at night, she claims she needs to sleep, yet she doesn’t have time to call or chat with me during the day (She says she doesn’t use her mobile phone when at work).
On the other hand, she’s off-duty on Sunday and Tuesday, yet she still doesn’t have time for me. I have tried to discuss the issue with her and all she says is ‘Siku hizi uko na tumambo’ (you have issues nowadays). I need some help because this is really affecting my heart, for I love her.
Long-distance relationships need disciplined partners and, if not it leads to infidelity. You can already read the red lights from the turn of events. You need to work with speed to salvage your relationship. Your partner seems to have found someone else who is entertaining her.
Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale
Wake up and smell the coffee, son. Your queen has fallen out of love with you. The long distance may be to blame for this state of affairs, and your insistent demand for her attention could probably be another reason. There is hope though. Make time and come home. A one-on-one discussion should assist in charting the way forward. Good luck.
Drive Counselling Centre, Kitengela
It feels heartless to tell you that you are no longer in a relationship but I must tell you the truth. If that girl wanted you, she would move mountains just to be with you. She is busy; she is not lying. She is busy with what is her priority. Stop this one-sided relationship. Take time off dating and build your tattered emotional life. Look for the doors that are opening right in front of you. You cannot see them now because you are in a blind emotional haze. You will be grateful one day that you allowed her to go. Having said that, be wary in future of long-distance relationships. Few of them succeed, possibly because most people cannot muster the discipline and commitment that such relationships entail.
Wish you well in your future relationships.
My dear you should know that a relationship without communication is dead, so maybe yours died minutes after you stepped on that plane. Stay alert.
Long-distance relationships are not easily sustainable. There is a variety of reasons. The most common is that one partner falls out of love and cannot tell the other. There could be something they heard or know about their partner and that can create a rift especially if not voiced. Your partner could feel that you do not tend to her needs and requirements hence her cold reaction towards you. A simple miscommunication or something read out of context could be the reason why you have drifted apart. Your first agenda should be to ask the uncomfortable question of whether she still has feelings for you and if yes, if she wants a future with you. That should determine your next move.
Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
Hello am Mary, I am in my early 30s and a teacher in one of the schools in central region. My problem is that am asexual, and while the idea of sex is appealing I can't bring myself to do it. When I try to be intimate I don’t like it. My problem is I am facing a lot of pressure to settle down from family and friends. So I am looking for someone like me or rather with similar issues for a relationship and maybe a marriage of convenience to contact me. Only serious people should chat me up.
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