I’m stuck between two men, an age mate and one who’s older

Hey, I am 19 and a student, and I am currently dating a guy six years older than me. But I came across another guy I liked but I wasn't that ready, since I am still in a relationship. He however showed interest in me and even told me so. And upon a keen analysis between him and my current boyfriend, I found him a better match since he is ambitious and hardworking. This suited me since I run a big business alongside my studies. I still haven't called it quits with my boyfriend though it makes me feel a little bit guilty since he has always been nice, and the only issue is he’s not supportive of my business and at some point was even negative about it. He has, however, let me do it since it makes me happy. I am rather worried though since the other guy whom I became interested in is 30 though he looks a bit younger than his age. I do not know if I will be making the right choice. Pardon my young age please, as I’m aware and have been told that I act more mature than my age. 

READERS ADVICE

According to your statements the 30 years old guy is supportive and nice. The feeling is mutual from both ends. If that's the person you want to be with then you can go ahead. On quitting your current relationship, never apologise for standing up and choosing the best in life. 

Mercy Dennis

No need to pardon your young age; all 19-year-olds have the same question. You are doing fine, go with the flow, and date both men without any intention of taking the relationship to the next level. With time, you will discover yourself. And let not your relationship be linked in any way to your business hustles as support requests are bound to lower your worth in their eyes.

Drive Counseling Centre- Kitengela 

The grass always looks greener on the other side. Be careful with the decision you are about to make lest you end up regretting it. A bird in hand is better than two in the bush. Another thing I will tell you is that everyone has a weakness. Listen to your inner self before decamping.

Rev Geoffrey Avudiko, Mitume, Kitale

Murife run! You said you are 19? Girl, be aware of conmen who come in as great supporters of everything you do and say yes to all your opinions. They colonise your heart, then rip you off. A man who can say no to some of your wishes is emotionally stable and fit to be a family head. Stick with your first guy!

Joshua M

The success of a relationship is anchored on compatibility. I would advise you to be loyal to your current boyfriend. Discard your grandiose sense of entitlement that you can roll with every Tom and Dick. You will always find men are better than your man at face value but be content as long as your man hasn't shown any major red flags to warrant such a major decision. Avoid the "wababa" mentality too. Age matters in a relationship and 11 years is a huge gap. Don't focus on any financial help, grow with your man.

Timothy Mwirichia, writer, Meru

At 19, you are a student, a business lady with two boyfriends, and are unable to choose between them. You are not legally attached to any of them and so none of them has an obligation to support your business. My word is: Take your time before you decide on whom to date seriously. You are a young adult and good guys will always be there in life, so finish your studies, detach your business from your relationships and decide when to be ready for a lasting relationship. 

Believe me, even if you think you are wiser than your years, you are not yet there in terms of maturity. Be clear on your priorities. 

W. Kagochi Kuira, Counselor Nyeri

EXPERT’S TAKE

Your age does not always define your capacity to reason. What you lack at this point may be the wisdom of experience. I would advise that your main focus be your studies and your business. Become your own maker of your dreams. Refrain from expecting someone to progress you in life. Never permit emotions to guide you. You are way too young to commit yourself to any particular man regardless of how they may sell themselves to you. There is a possibility that the new man is only telling you what you want to hear and may be using his older status to influence you. Seeking assistance is not an issue unless it comes with strings attached that may suffocate you. Work towards your independence. That should be your primary agenda. 

Maurice Matheka, Relationship Counsellor

NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I was dating two women since 2014 and I impregnated both of them in 2017 and 2018, and now I have a 4-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son.    The two ladies know each other. I was not ready to get married then but now I am ready. The problem is I’m confused about whom to marry between the two. We get along very well with both of them as I play my part in supporting my two children financially. The two ladies are both working and financially stable. I floated the idea of marrying both of them but only one was comfortable with it. Now I don't know what to do as I don't want to let either of the women go as I love them and I want to marry them both. kindly advice. Keep my identity anonymous.

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