I almost spent New Year’s Day in a police cell

Mwalimu Andrew

Two police officers carried me juu-kwa-juu and bundled me into their truck.

Photo credit: John Nyagah | Nation Media Group

What you need to know:

  • There was chicken, beef, rice, ndengu, and chapati that Fiolina had started meticulously preparing for Pius from 3pm.

Those of you who know my brother Pius will tell you that he is always going in the opposite direction; when everyone is going East, you will catch him going West.

And this holiday season was no different. As you know, the people of Nairobi had arrived just before Xmas to show off their new tight clothing, buy some alcohol, tell us about the coronavirus vaccine progress, and give us their unsolicited prediction of the Matungu by-election.

They got broke by the 26th and started leaving by the 27th, with quite a number borrowing fare back to Nairobi.

By 30th, most had travelled back. It was in the midst of people leaving that Pius, always going in the opposite direction, called on 31st to say that he was coming. Pius was to be home by 3pm, and although he was seen in Luanda by 3pm, it was not until 9pm that he arrived, coming straight to my home.

Unlike Ford who Fiolina doesn’t like, Pius has an amazing relationship with Fiolina, the laugh of my life. In fact, whenever Pius travels home without his wife, Fiolina always washes for him, and takes care of his stomach affairs. I would like to believe that those are the only affairs she takes care of.

There was chicken, beef, rice, ndengu, and chapati that Fiolina had started meticulously preparing for Pius from 3pm.

“I missed you so much Mlamwa,” Fiolina told Pius when he arrived at 9pm, as they hugged. Pius attacked the chapatis like a hungry hyena.

Warmed chapatis

Before leaving, he gave Fiolina a nicely packaged gift, which I have no idea what it was, and the best way to start a quarrel would be to ask. As soon as Pius left, Fiolina started preparing wheat flour for Pius’s breakfast chapatis the next day.

Pius arrived by 10am the next morning, with Fiolina even missing church so that she would serve him. He took the freshly fried chapatis while I was given warmed chapatis from the previous day. Fiolina started preparing lunch immediately after.

Pius had a drink that I had never taken before – Daniel Jacksons – which we took as we waited for lunch. Just like The Famous Grease, Daniel Jacksons was slowly greasing my joints, making them more flexible, more agile. So were my lips, which means that I was talking a lot more than was needed.

After lunch, Pius asked if we could take a drive. Before we left, Fiolina said she had some headache, and could we please get her some drugs from Luanda. Pius promised to get them as quickly as possible.

We quickly entered his car and left. As always, Pius had a new car. First stop was Roddy’s where we picked two more bottles of Daniel Jacksons. We were in Luanda 20 minutes later, parked next the pharmacy and took the drugs.

We were walking back to the car when we saw a commotion around Luanda, with people running all over. We saw people being bundled into a nearby police truck. We were shocked when the police came for us, and started pushing us to the police car.

“Mbona hamna mask?” they asked us. Pius calmly spoke in Kiswahili: “Pole afande, Tulikuwa mbio tukasahau masks kwa gari hapa tu,” he said, pointing at his car. “Tuko na yeye,” he pointed at me.

Aided by Daniel Jacksons, English was flowing out of my mouth like never before. I was telling the police that arresting me for not wearing a mask wasn’t helpful, for I could easily spread corona if I had it, or get it from others.

“Even those wearing masks, like you, are wearing them wrongly,” I said, showing them the many people wearing masks, with the nose uncovered. We walked to Pius’s car. There was only one mask, and Pius was released. Pius tried to talk to them but I did not help by adding that a majority of the masks people had were dirty, and could be carrying other infections.

Two police officers carried me juu-kwa-juu and bundled me into their truck. It took three hours for Pius to secure my release, and as we drove home, he kept complaining that what he had paid was enough to buy a bottle of Daniel Jacksons. I was luck not to have spent New Year’s Day in a cell!  Happy New Year everyone! Whatever you do, please wear your mask. Properly.

www.mwalimuadrew.com

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