Does your partner have control issues?
Most relationships have control issues to some extent, usually involving conflicts over very basic differences in our personalities.
Do you and your partner have control issues? Perhaps one of you tends to be pushy while the other generally gives in? Maybe one of you feels uncomfortable raising difficult issues? Or struggles to speak up for themselves?
Most relationships have control issues to some extent, usually involving conflicts over very basic differences in our personalities.
From small stuff like neat versus messy, via clashing attitudes towards things like saving versus spending, all the way up to major relationship disputes over important issues like sex and childrearing.
And because personality differences can be very difficult to deal with, control issues are among the most serious problems couples can face, often wrecking even the closest relationships.
So there’s trouble ahead if either or both of you are controlling. Or if either or both of you sidesteps problems by just giving in.
Maybe in your case it’s always the same person who gives in, gradually becoming more resentful because they never get their way. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong to go along with your partner’s wishes from time to time. Everyone should do that. It’s only a problem if it’s always the same one of you who gives way.
Maybe neither of you ever gives an inch, leading to endless hostility as you struggle for control.
Maybe one of you keeps going on about something, but nothing is ever resolved because the other only pretends to go along with their wishes. And so there’s an exasperating stalemate.
Or maybe both of you have stopped trying to get your way. You’re both unhappy and frustrated and although everything seems fine on the surface, deep down the relationship is slowly unraveling.
Difficulties sharing control in a relationship mostly originate in childhood experiences and are usually something we don’t understand too well about ourselves.
They also often involve underlying feelings of insecurity and are hard to tackle. But do try, because the benefits of succeeding are immense.
So if you tend to give-in, consciously start standing up for your needs. While if you’re controlling, start listening to your partner’s point of view. Neither will be easy to begin with, but it gets easier, especially if you support each other. Because as a controlling partner gives up some control, they usually end up getting more of what they want.
While when a give-in partner grows more assertive, their whole relationship becomes far more secure. Controlling partners who start to appreciate their partner’s opinions also find that they enjoy their relationship far more. As do those who stop trying to change their partners into clones of themselves!
It’s also practically impossible to change your personalities, so you’ll need to learn how to tolerate any differences that can’t be resolved. And that’s a very valuable skill to acquire.
Because couples who learn how to rub alone even when they can’t agree, and to tolerate each other’s quirks, become much more realistic about their individual needs. And much happier together.
