CHRIS HART: Be truly intimate and your union will last forever

Your 20-year-old self understood something you’ve forgotten: having lots of sex will make your relationship a whole lot better. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH

What you need to know:

  • Create a sexual bucket list together — because new lingerie, new positions and strange beds all enhance excitement and intimacy.

  • And have some lubricant handy! Sometimes it can be hard getting physically aroused even when you’re in the right mood — but don’t let that put you off!

Remember when you were 20? You thought everything about sex was fascinating. And when you first got married? You were never ever “too tired”.

But now? You’re sleeping next to a guy and could have sex every night! But you don’t want to.

And somehow you’re not missing it. Too stressed, too distracted. And never in the mood.

Now that’s a problem. Because maybe your 20-year-old self understood something that you’ve forgotten: having lots of sex will make your relationship a whole lot better. Don’t laugh, it’s true. Like if you want your husband to be a good man, he needs to be fed, appreciated — and to make love. So eat together, say thank you for how hard he works, smile loads, let him see you naked, and have lots of sex. It’s amazing what a man will do for a woman who makes him feel loved.

And anyway, sex is fun! It relieves stress and is a complete escape from reality. So let off steam together as often as you can. Why are we so quick to reject the best things in life, when every day is right for sex, including Tuesdays?

Make opportunities for quickies, especially in the morning. You’ll both be smiling all day. Napping baby? Head to the bathroom and shower together. At the very least, you’ll save some water!

Don’t wait until bedtime to get romantic. When you were dating, putting on pretty undies was all it took to get you excited. Bring that back into your marriage. Send each other flirty texts. Turn off the big black box — do you really need to watch another soap?

Instead, take the initiative more often. Encourage your guy to massage your back. Tease each other, hold hands, and squeeze each other’s butts as you pass in the kitchen. Sleep naked, cuddle like you’ll never let go, and tell each other how nice you both are.

And talk openly and honestly about sex. Does that sound difficult? It can be, because nobody ever teaches us how to talk about intimacy with a partner. So if it’s hard to get started, go see a marriage counsellor together. They know exactly how to get you talking, you’ll enjoy every minute, and will never look back!

Create a sexual bucket list together — because new lingerie, new positions and strange beds all enhance excitement and intimacy. And have some lubricant handy! Sometimes it can be hard getting physically aroused even when you’re in the right mood — but don’t let that put you off!

Work out together, and you’ll have more sex. Spend more time together and you’ll become more intimate. Do new things together, and you’ll have more sex. And it’s all worthwhile — because it’s intimacy that keeps things flowing in a marriage, not money or possessions.

So make sex a big priority and an important part of your routine. You’ll feel more optimistic, confident and attractive. And your marriage will last forever...

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