Suddenly your squeeze completely disappears from your life, without any warning. It can happen anytime. From your first few dates, to while you’re planning the wedding. Communication totally stops. No calls, no text messages, nothing.
You’ve been ghosted.
There has always been people who ghost, and it can happen anywhere. Dating, friendships, colleagues at work. Somehow they think walking away is the quick and easy way out. No drama, no hysterics, no need to deal with your feelings.
But you imagine family emergencies and car accidents. There’s been no end-of-relationship conversation: ‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ Just silence. Ambiguous, confusing silence.
Sometimes they go on liking your posts, or re-tweeting your tweets. Perhaps they even think they’re being kind by letting you down gently. Or maybe they’re just getting a cheap thrill from watching what you’re doing.
Why would anyone do something like that? You’ll never know for sure. Perhaps you were with someone who had trust and dependency issues. Or someone who believes in soulmates, because they often think it’s OK to disappear anytime they think a relationship’s not meant to be.
Ghosting really hurts
But ghosting really hurts. You feel uncertain and insecure. You’re left wondering what went wrong with the relationship, what’s wrong with you, what’s wrong with them, and why didn’t you see this coming?
But over-analysing everything just creates a whole lot of extra pain. So don’t blame yourself for what’s happened, and accept that you may never know why they chose to leave. They may have had a genuine reason, but if they were unhappy about something, then they should have said so. The simple truth is that they didn’t take the time to tell you what was wrong, and didn’t allow you the opportunity to put things right. And that part is entirely their fault.
So what do you do?
It will help to accept that you feel bad, and that it will be a while before you feel better. It will help to hang out more with friends and family. It will help to avoid reminders of your ex. So stop torturing yourself with your old photos and texts, and quit reading their posts. Above all else, truly get your mind round the idea that this isn’t about something that you did wrong.
Because the fact that your ex chose to break up by ghosting you tells you everything about them and their shortcomings. And nothing about you.
In fact, ghosting is just plain vile. And no, it’s not just men, women ghost just as often. Ghosts are truly awful people, so don’t even think about forgiving your ex if they reappear. Because ghosting’s lazy, unfeeling, and shows that they aren’t nearly ready for anything like a real relationship. There’ll always be ghosts. But that will never make it right.
So let your friends know exactly what has happened. Because you just might save someone else a lot of pain. And anyway, why should anyone ever trust them again?