Bedtime routine that happy couples live by

So have a shared bedtime. Just like the children. Go to be bed at the same time every day. Because that creates an intimate ritual that strengthens the connection between you. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH

What you need to know:

  • Make the bedroom a place for intimacy. No phones, laptops, TV… And make it a completely argument free zone!
  • Kiss and cuddle, and don’t try and talk things out. Instead, just ask your spouse kindly if you can sleep on it, and agree another time tomorrow to talk. Just don’t wake up in the morning and act like nothing’s happened! Say you’re sorry again, hug and kiss, and confirm when you’ll talk further.
  • Always prepare for bed together. Be close, touching and teasing. And then pillow talk. Laugh about your day. Catch up, reminisce, and discuss all your goals and dreams.

Remember when you were newly wed? Bedtime was exciting. And now? Chances are you’re always playing with your phone. Sleeping at different times. Maybe even in different rooms… But going to bed together is one of those activities that defines marriage. So if you don’t, you’re missing a wonderful opportunity to communicate and be close. And on the slippery slope towards not being married any more.

So have a shared bedtime. Just like the children. Go to be bed at the same time every day. Because that creates an intimate ritual that strengthens the connection between you.

If you’ve let that routine slip – one of you asleep by 9pm, the other up until 2am – then re-creating it may take a little organising. But in reality, routines are just habits. So change them! Get up earlier to meditate or exercise in the morning. Persuade your children to be more helpful, so their evening meal, homework, bedtime, and morning routines aren’t so stressful.

If all else fails, agree that from say 10 pm until 11pm you’ll be alone together in your bedroom. Talking, cuddling, making love and dozing a little.

INTIMATE PLACE

Then, if one of you can’t sleep and wants to get up again, or you need some time apart because of problems like snoring, at least you haven’t missed the chance to connect.

Make the bedroom a place for intimacy. No phones, laptops, TV… And make it a completely argument free zone!

Even if you have something difficult you need to discuss, or have had a disagreement earlier in the day. Whatever’s happened, just say you’re sorry, even if you feel you weren’t to blame!

Kiss and cuddle, and don’t try and talk things out. Instead, just ask your spouse kindly if you can sleep on it, and agree another time tomorrow to talk. Just don’t wake up in the morning and act like nothing’s happened! Say you’re sorry again, hug and kiss, and confirm when you’ll talk further.

Always prepare for bed together. Be close, touching and teasing. And then pillow talk. Laugh about your day. Catch up, reminisce, and discuss all your goals and dreams. Say how much you appreciate one another. Because bedtime – including that last snack on the sofa – is the perfect time for couples to talk together. Making you closer and much more likely to want to be intimate.

Be completely relaxed about sex. Take your time. Focus on giving each other pleasure. Sleep naked, and keep things interesting with new positions, toys and fantasies.

As you settle down, choose an intimate sleeping position for the start of the night. Touching one another just about everywhere, or at least linked by an arm or a leg. Some couples like to hold hands for a moment. Many kiss. But whatever you do, make sure you say “I love you” every single night. They may be simple words, but they make you feel closer. And ready to deal with whatever tomorrow brings. Together.

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