Apostle Elkana faces wrath of boda boda riders

Although most people in Mwisho wa Lami may not know much about the Russia-Ukraine conflict, last week they had a front-row view of what is happening in Kiev — war. The matter happened outside the school and I was not in any way behind it; but, as usual, some enemies of development are dragging me into it.

It all started a few weeks ago when Reverend Overseer Apostle Manasseh Elkana visited the school in my absence and planned for a KCPE prayer session. Unknown to me, he encouraged the students to ask their parents to also attend the prayer session – with sadaka.

The prayer ceremony was held on Thursday; a week before KCPE exams began. All Standard Eight pupils came wearing shoes. Most were accompanied by their mothers, grandmothers and aunties. No man was in the parents’ group. Also joining were some BOM members: Nyayo, Aphayo and the chairman Hitler.

The Apostle took charge and after leading the pupils in song and dance, he invited a candidate to speak. A parent spoke afterwards followed by Hitler. I spoke last, encouraging the candidates to make use of the remaining few days wisely for last minute revision. Once I was done, it was time for Apostle Elkana to preach.

“God loves a giving heart,” he said, adding that God does not forget his people. Despite the fact that we had been pushing the candidates to revise, Apostle Elkana had a different message, saying faith was what mattered most.

“I have heard some people lie that God helps those who help themselves,” he went on. “Where is that written in the Bible? In Mathews 17:2-12, the Bible says “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. The Bible did not say that you push the mountain, you just need to have faith and tell he mountain to move and it will move.”

“The same applies to KCPE exams that you will sit for next week,” he said. “It is not about how much you read and revise, it will be about how much faith you have,” he said amid cheers from the pupils. He went on exalting faith and giving over hard work, and then asked for sadaka. 

Next was an anointing session. He removed small bottles from his pocket.

“This, brethren, is special KCPE anointing oil. Apply it every morning and it will help you understand questions better, ward off any confusion and boost your memory.”

“We only have 15 bottles and I do not want you to miss this.”

One parent asked for the price of the bottle: “The price for each bottle is the number of marks you want your child to score. That is why I have just 15, not for everyone.” 

The bottles were bought immediately, with parents paying between Sh300 ad 400. This means that for the fist time we will have a candidate scoring 400 marks. 

The three BOM members converged in my office after the ceremony. They kept talking endlessly, and it was only after Hitler signalled me that I knew what they were up to — they wanted to be paid a sitting allowance

“We usually do not give any allowance for prayer day since it is not an official meeting BOM meeting,” I said.

“What do you mean it is not a meeting?” wondered Alphayo. 

“You will not waste my morning, Dre. Do you know how much I would have made out there?” he asked.

“Ningekuwa nimebeba wateja wengi sana,” complained Nyayo.

“What do you mean there is no money yet Elkana collected a lot of cash?” asked Alphayo. “You want to eat that money just the two of you?”

It was only then that I realised Apostle Elkana had left stealthily. He disconnected all my calls and ignored other BOM members who tried reaching him.

“Atajua mimi ni nani,” said Nyayo, who immediately left with his motorcycle. 

I remained behind with Hitler and Alphayo in the office, and it was not until I gave them Sh300 each that they left.

No sooner had I arrived at home that evening than I heard some noise outside. A group of boda boda riders were hooting and singing loudly. I did know what was happening, but I assumed they were heading to a funeral service in their usual rowdy manner.

Soon, I received a call form Apostle Elkana.

“Please come quickly, I am under attack!” 

I arrived to find five boda boda riders led by Nyayo at the church’s compound. They were hooting and shouting loudly.

“Tunataka pesa umechukuwa kwa watoto,” Nyayo said.

“Huwezi kula sadaka peke yako,” another one shouted, reminding the Apostle how he loved free rides.

I urged them to calm down but they ignored my pleas.

“Ongea kama mlikula pesa na Elkana,” Nyayo warned me. 

They started pushing the mabati gate, forcing themselves into the church. They entered the compound and started felling trees.

Elkana had to part with Sh1,500 for them to leave, heading straight to Hitler’s. The day the exams started, I reminded Apostle Elkana that I hoped the candidates he had sold anointing oil would score the marks he promised them. 

“Not really,” he said. “My oil will help them stay healthy, remember what they learnt and understand the questions well,” he said. “If you did not teach well, or you taught them the wrong things, they will still fail!”

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