WIFE SPEAK: Yes, you love her, but does she know and feel it?

“How do you handle difficult customers?” I asked one of the participants during a workshop on customer management.

“It depends on what you mean by a difficult customer,” I responded.

“What I mean is, you do everything right. Smile, serve them warmly, but they still are not satisfied,” he clarified.

As we discussed the issue, something stood out – we sometimes think our customers are happy and satisfied, yet the fact is that they are not.

This discussion reminded me about a fight I once had with hubby, and at some point, I blurted:

“I think you don’t love me!”

“Now, where did that come from?” he asked, looking stunned.

Like the customer here, it is one thing for a man to say that he loves his wife, but it is an entirely different matter, whether she actually feels loved.

A WOMAN'S IDEA OF LOVE

You see, one of the greatest needs of a woman is to feel loved by her man. Yes, we know that there is a need for love that only God can fulfil, but there is a provision of love that a husband must learn to meet, otherwise, whatever else he does for his wife will not be met with the deserving appreciation.

It is not enough that you once told her that you love her, and that should that change, you would let her know – it just doesn’t work this way in relationships.

Any man who lives by this will always wonder why, even after providing every material need his wife can possibly need and want, she still does not feel loved. It really is not that complicated. 

This joke might give you some insight about a woman’s idea of love;

In his attempt to provide and prove his love for his wife, a man climbed the highest mountain, swam under the deepest sea, crossed the worst deserts, all for her, but she still left him - he was never home.

So, how does a husband make his wife feel loved? Through simple actions, for example deliberately doing some small kind, thoughtful actions that give weight to his words, for instance a hug or a compliment.

It is the same thing I told (screamed is more like it) my clueless husband during our fight.

“Love is a verb!”

LOOKED CONFUSED

He still looked confused, which further infuriated me.

“It’s the stuff you do, or don’t do,” I sighed in frustration.

“Look, can you be more specific at least?” he asked, looking equally frustrated.

Inward, I wondered whether he had deliberately refused to demonstrate his love, or whether he simply did not love me anymore.

Later, I met a long lost friend for lunch, and as we chatted, she broke down.

“I don’t think Alex loves me anymore,” she said, furiously wiping away the tears before the waiter could see them.

“Oh, sweetheart, why would you think that?” I asked.

“He’s a good guy, provides for us and all. I don’t even think he is cheating or anything…it’s just…” She seemed lost for words and sighed.

“I just don’t think he loves me. I don’t feel it.”

I understood her. It occurred to me, not only are men and women from different planets, we also speak different dialects.

It is like a Bantu and a Cushite speaking to each other in their dialects; no mutual intelligibility there, as my professor at univerity called it.

A husband’s idea of love, it seems, is providing for his family, and generally being a good guy to his wife and kids.

That’s all nice and kind of expected of him, but while at it, his wife needs to feel. A woman thrives on consistency.

If you do not tell her often that you love her, she will start doubting your love. If you do not often create time to be with her, she doubts your love.

Still clueless?  There is Google, duh! Search ‘ways to make a woman feel loved’.