Why it's important to talk to teens about sex

A friend of mine shared an e-book on female ejaculation in his different Whatsapp groups and was shocked at the responses. Most of the participants in the groups pretended not to have seen the content while in another group, he was 'lefted'. "I think we are very hypocritical as a people," he lamented. "If we as grown-ups are not comfortable discussing about our sexuality, how can we even talk to our teens and young adults about sex?" he wondered.

The birds and the bees.

A random spot-check revealed that a good number of parents and guardians are too shy to discuss about the birds and the bees with their children. Raymond Mwaura, a family and trauma therapist explains that, most grown-ups are not able to openly discuss sexuality with their kids because of socialisation and how their first sexual encounter turned out. "For a large number of people, their first experience was traumatising thus, they do not have the courage to talk about sex," explains Mwaura. He advises parents and guardians to address their stigma first so as to be comfortable talking about sex both to their children and among their peers.

Sexually active

Of concern is that we have seen a growing number of teens reportedly engaging in sexual activities, especially during this Covid-19 pandemic. Are parents aware that their children are sexually active? One wonders. "Parents are aware that children are having sex but since they can't handle it, they keep hoping that someone else will salvage the situation. Most of them hope that one bold person, probably a school counsellor or religious leader, will talk to the kids about sex," says Mwaura.

''The children were engaging in sexual activities even before the pandemic but now since schools are closed, sex is readily available. Before, the children who are in boarding schools, would probably have to wait until schools closed but now that they are at home, it makes it almost effortless," explains Mwaura.

Uncontrolled internet spaces

Owing to the Covid-19 pandemic, learning was suspended indefinitely. Families were forced to re-adjust to the new normal. The school experience gives the youngsters space to meet each other in a controlled environment with already established boundaries. In school, they are also involved in a lot of activities, which divert their libido. When they are busy with books and extra-curricular activities, all their energies are consumed and they hardly have time for sexual activities, explains Mwaura.

''Uncontrolled internet spaces like Zoom have exposed our children to skewed interpretations of sex and sexuality," he says. Mwaura explains that as a result, the children have learnt to stimulate their bodies, not to mention the opportunities are now readily available to experiment with their young neighbours. "The children are at home and the parents cannot keep monitoring them as they too might be overwhelmed trying to put food on the table. Other parents either do not care or are just paranoid. Due to the pandemic, other kids were even taken to the village to stay with their grandparents who at most cases might not be able to follow up on the teens."

Sex dynamics

The question that begs is, how have we prepared our teens for this eventuality?

"Based on the rising cases of teen pregnancies, it is safe to admit that our teens are sexually active and there is need to come up with a social structure that is workable in the face of the new normal," explains Mwaura. "While at it, let's address the impact of teen sex. Will we take the girls back to school after delivery?  When should a parent or guardian introduce the topic home?" ponders Mwaura as he cites some of the questions grown-ups should ask themselves.

Teen sex is shrouded in uncertainty and most of them do not understand the various sex dynamics. A good number engage in unprotected sex, which increases the risk of STIs and HIV. Sadly, some teens have been infected and have unknowingly infected their peers while some have reportedly been known to spread the disease out of bitterness, he notes.

Life skills

The family therapist advises care-givers to teach children life skills on how to relate with the opposite sex.  There is need to be innovative, he says. We should not abandon our rites of passage as these provide a suitable platform for our teens to be impacted with life skills. In line with WHO guidelines, we should work with manageable grouping of about five, so as not to expose the children to Covid-19.

Alternatively, we can organise for Zoom meetings where relevant content is disseminated. We should also encourage our kids to engage in Zoom religious studies as opposed to thriving on the blame game. As parents, we need to admit we have failed them. It is important to understand from them what information they have on sex so that, we can help them separate the facts from myths and misinformation.