Mr Survivor: The story of ‘the woman and the ogre’ brings peace to the palace

mother and son

Queen and the boys were back to their usual jokes.

Photo credit: Fotosearch

When I took my boys for a Sunday outing without Queen, I expected a lioness protest from her. But I did not expect that she would vent her frustration on our boys. As our people aptly say, the river flows along the line of least resistance.

That Sunday evening when I arrived from Happy Valley, the Palace turned into a verbal war zone between Queen and the boys. Queen’s verbal missiles were, however, meant for my hearing. Queen has perfected the art of anger displacement in which she attacks me through our boys.

“Mum, I cannot see my pencil,” the last born said.

“Who is your mother? Direct such problems to your new mother!” Queen answered.

The boy was astonished. “I am talking about my pencil. Si, you are the one who has hidden our new pencils?” the boy said.

“I used to keep your things when I was your mother but today you got a new mother when you went to swim without me! Now, ask your new mother to solve your problems,” Queen said. 

The thing is, although I am the one who buys the school requirements, Queen keeps them and releases them on need basis to avoid wastage. And because the boys are at that age where they ask for a pencil and eraser every morning, she hides them. The boy looked at me pleadingly, expecting me to offer an immediate solution.

Before I could think of a solution, the others joined in; each with their school issues.

“Mum, my trouser has a hole in the pocket,” said the second born.

“For me it is the shirt that has no button,” said the first born.

“You can go on and on until morning and even tell it to the mountains. Did you see me where you were swimming with hippos?” Queen lectured.

“Just relax boys. I shall give you a new pencil in the morning. For your uniform, use the pair that is not torn as I plan to take the torn ones to the tailor tomorrow,” I assured them.

The boys went to sleep assured that I would solve their issues. Of course, by Monday morning, sanity had prevailed and she provided the pencil. Makena had already prepared the boys’ uniforms, which were clean and ironed.

However, the Queen’s protests continued on Monday evening and on Tuesday, with the boys waiting for me to sign their assignment books. Makena assisted them with their assignments because Queen had been closing her Slopes Supermarket deliberately late. Makena has been updating me on the goings on through her emoji-rich SMSs.

On Wednesday evening, however, Queen’s blackmail came to an end.

“Mum, my pencil got lost,” said the comedian.

“Do you have ears? How many times do I have to tell you that you should stop bothering me with such issues? Tell your new mother!” Queen reprimanded.

Sasa, kwanini unashinda ukisema hivyo (Why do you keep saying that)?” asked the comedian.

“Did you see me where you were swimming with hippos?” Queen asked.

Lakini si niwewe ulikataa twende? (But you’re the one who refused to come along)” said the comedian.

“Yes, yes, you refused to go yourself,” said the Ombudsman.

“Teacher gave us a story of a woman and an ogre. The ogre would give the woman food to eat and she would refuse. Then the ogre would say, when you refuse I eat. And the ogre would eat and the woman grew very thin. She would have died if her husband had not arrived in time to safe her,” narrated the comedian.

All of us, Queen included, laughed uproariously.

“Who is the woman and the ogre here in that story?” Queen asked, looking menacingly at the comedian.

“The woman is the one who refused to go to the outing,” the comedian said.

“And the ogre?” Queen asked.

“There is no ogre here, only the woman who refused to go for the outing,” said the comedian.

A longer and derisive uproar followed.

Queen left the living room in a huff as the laughter continued and went to bed. But it seems she called herself to a crisis meeting and decided to call off her threats.

On arrival at the Palace on Thursday evening, I realised that the atmosphere at home had changed. Queen and the boys were back to their usual jokes.

Baba, mum said that she will be there in the coming Sunday’s outing,” said the first born, the family critic.

“Tell her she is very much welcome,” I said.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the story of the woman and the ogre saved me from a month’s long marital anarchy. I am therefore highly looking forward to a full family outing on Sunday, a herald of the resumption of marital nirvana. Come Sunday, come.

Do you have feedback for this article? Please e-mail
[email protected]